{"id":1087,"date":"2014-12-30T21:06:30","date_gmt":"2014-12-30T20:06:30","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1087"},"modified":"2014-12-30T21:06:30","modified_gmt":"2014-12-30T20:06:30","slug":"krutomyval-myval-na-chcipnuti","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1087","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: M\u00fdval na chc\u00edpnut\u00ed"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Co se stane, kdy\u017e \u010dlov\u011bk sch\u00e1z\u00ed ze schod\u016f a \u0161l\u00e1pne si na rozv\u00e1zanou tkani\u010dku u boty?\u00a0Po\u0161le ho to tlamou nap\u0159ed. Resp: dolu a vp\u0159ed.\u00a0V m\u00e9m p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b m\u011b „dole<\/em>„, tedy pod schodi\u0161t\u011bm co vede od lo\u017enice do ob\u00fdv\u00e1ku, \u010dekala ze\u010f. \u00a0A jak sem se tak bez re\u00e1ln\u00e9 mo\u017enosti z\u00e1chrany nebo odvr\u00e1cen\u00ed p\u00e1du \u0159\u00edtil proti t\u00e9 zdi hlavou, \u0159\u00edkal sem si: „tak takhle zhebnu, zaj\u00edmav\u00e9“<\/em>. P\u0159i\u0161lo mi, \u017ee smrt m\u011b minout nem\u016f\u017ee.<\/p>\n

2. Nicm\u00e9n\u011b sem e\u0161t\u011b zkusil zabojovat, a v letu se oto\u010dit ke zdi z\u00e1dy, \u00a0nebo aspo\u0148 bokem, m\u00edsto obli\u010dejem, a n\u011bjak\u00fdm z\u00e1zrakem se mi to povedlo.\u00a0Ze\u010f mi vyrazila dech a n\u00e1sledn\u011b m\u011b milosrdn\u011b poslala na zem. Kam sem dopadl sice na v\u0161echny \u010dty\u0159i, jako ko\u010dkovit\u00e1 \u0161elma, ale za cenu pocitu, \u017ee sem si p\u0159i dopadu musel zcelajist\u011b zlomit p\u00e1te\u0159, kotn\u00edky, kolena, a vykloubit aspo\u0148 jedno rameno.<\/p>\n

3. Jestli n\u011bkdo m\u00e1 v \u017eiv\u00e9 pam\u011bti p\u00e1d Meryl Streep ze schodi\u0161t\u011b ve filmu Smrt j\u00ed Slu\u0161\u00ed, tak takhle n\u011bjak sem dopadl taky. A pod schodama le\u017eel (minim\u00e1ln\u011b z m\u00e9ho pohledu)<\/em> v podobn\u00e9m p\u0159eposkl\u00e1d\u00e1n\u00ed t\u011blesn\u00e9 schr\u00e1nky.<\/p>\n

4. A nemohl sem d\u00fdchat. Co\u017e znamenalo, \u017ee sem ani nemohl signalizovat okoln\u00edm p\u0159ihl\u00ed\u017ee\u010d\u016fm, \u017ee \u017eiju. Okoln\u00edmi p\u0159ihl\u00ed\u017ee\u010dmi byly: sestra a jej\u00ed kamar\u00e1dka, kter\u00e9\u017eto m\u011b p\u0159ed v\u00e1noci p\u0159ijely do USA obla\u017eit svou p\u0159\u00edtomnost\u00ed. P\u00e1d i jeho v\u00fdsledek vid\u011bly, a jako typick\u00e9 \u017eeny za\u010daly hystericky panika\u0159it, m\u00edsto toho, aby konstruktivn\u011b jednaly.<\/p>\n

5. Tak nap\u0159\u00edklad si ani jedna z nich nemohla vzpomenout na „911″<\/em>. A to sem jim tolikr\u00e1t ukazoval Smrtonostnou Past i Zbra\u0148, odkud by si to mohly pamatovat. Tak\u017ee sice m\u011bly dobr\u00fd \u00famysl, „zavolat na pohotovost<\/em>„, jak tam vyk\u0159ikovaly, ale nev\u011bd\u011bly \u010d\u00edslo.<\/p>\n

6. J\u00e1 sem po\u0159\u00e1d e\u0161t\u011b nemohl mluvit (ani d\u00fdchat<\/em>), tak\u017ee sem si u\u017eil asi 30 sekund toho, jak se asi c\u00edt\u00ed Stephen Hawking. M\u00edt v hlav\u011b spoustu skv\u011bl\u00fdch n\u00e1pad\u016f („je to \u00a0911“, „vygooglujte si to“,<\/em> nebo „doprdele tak dojd\u011bte k soused\u016fm<\/em>„) a nem\u00edt schopnost je sd\u011blit okoln\u00edmu sv\u011btu je fakt frustruj\u00edc\u00ed.<\/p>\n

7. Po asi t\u00e9 p\u016flminut\u011b se mi povedlo se znova nadechnout a m\u00edt mo\u017enost tak n\u011bkolik dal\u0161\u00edch vte\u0159in jen \u00fap\u011bt, ne\u017e sem se teda zkusil posb\u00edrat a sd\u011blit panik\u00e1\u0159k\u00e1m, \u017ee sem to asi p\u0159e\u017eil. Pak sem prubnul zda mi de h\u00fdbat nohama a rukama a zjistil, \u017ee i to je mo\u017en\u00e9, a \u017ee ani asi nebudu ochrnut\u00fd. Nakonec se mi i povedlo vy\u017evejknout se ve smyslu a\u0165 se tam p\u0159estanou hem\u017eit a rad\u0161i mi p\u0159inesou z mraz\u00e1ku vodku.<\/p>\n

8. V podstat\u011b se mi nic nestalo. Jen sice vypad\u00e1m jako kdyby m\u011b p\u0159ejel n\u00e1kla\u010f\u00e1k, p\u00e1\u010d trup, nohy i ruce m\u00e1m moment\u00e1ln\u011b fialovo zelen\u00e9, a p\u00e1te\u0159 mi nakonec musel chiropraktik vr\u00e1tit do p\u016fvodn\u00edho tvaru, ale vypad\u00e1 to, \u017ee mimo v\u00fdronu kolene a obou kotn\u00edk\u016f sem si nic hor\u0161\u00edho nezp\u016fsobil. Potvrzeno rentgeny a n\u011bkoliker\u00fdmi vy\u0161et\u0159en\u00edmi \u00a0od l\u00e9ka\u0159\u016f, co byli v \u0161oku z toho, \u017ee se mi nestalo nic hor\u0161\u00edho. \u00dadajn\u011b m\u011b p\u0159ed smrt\u00ed\/ochrnut\u00edm\/zlomeninami ochr\u00e1nila moje pr\u016fprava p\u0159es bojov\u00e1 um\u011bn\u00ed a tanec, d\u00edky \u010demu\u017e sem pr\u00fd um\u011bl „spadnout \u0161ikovn\u011b<\/em>“ i z takov\u00e9 v\u00fd\u0161ky a v takov\u00e9m sp\u00e1du.<\/p>\n

9. Jeliko\u017e sem ale fakticky pro\u017eil nejm\u00e9n\u011b 5 sekund intenzivn\u00edho pocitu \u017ee „to m\u00e1m spo\u010d\u00edtan\u00fd“,<\/em> m\u016f\u017eu s klidn\u00fdm sv\u011bdom\u00edm prohl\u00e1sit: (i) \u017eivot v\u00e1m p\u0159ed o\u010dima neprob\u011bhne, (ii) pocit „tyvoe p\u0159eci nem\u016f\u017eu zhebnout takhle trapn\u011b<\/em>“ je velmi pal\u010div\u00fd, a (iii) pot\u00e9, co se z toho (\u010dehokoliv<\/em>) vyhrabete, si \u00a0mo\u017en\u00e1 \u0159eknete, \u017ee „takhle to teda d\u00e1l nejd<\/em>e“.<\/p>\n

10. Ano, na\u0161el sem nov\u00fd „respekt k \u017eivotu<\/em>„. Spo\u010d\u00edvaj\u00edc\u00ed zejm\u00e9na v tom, \u017ee sem si op\u011bt o n\u011bco siln\u011bji uv\u011bdomil, \u017ee zbytek sv\u00fdch dn\u016f odm\u00edt\u00e1m pro\u017e\u00edt jako slu\u017eebn\u00edk zla (pr\u00e1vn\u00edk<\/em>). A te\u010f si du koupit d\u011bsn\u011b drahej po\u010d\u00edta\u010d s d\u011bsn\u011b drah\u00fdm softwarem a \u0161\u00edlen\u011b v\u00fdkonn\u00fdm procesorem, co sem m\u011bl v\u017edycky pocit, \u017ee pot\u0159ebuj\u00ed jen profi filma\u0159i na to, aby mohli tvo\u0159it um\u011bn\u00ed, nikoliv uboz\u00ed pr\u00e1vn\u00edci na to, aby mohli mazat \u010d\u00e1rky a dopl\u0148ovat spojky do zbyte\u010dn\u00fdch dokument\u016f. Ale j\u00e1 do Nov\u00e9ho Roku budu vstupovat u\u017e jako filma\u0159 a spisovatel, nikoliv pr\u00e1vn\u00edk, a to a\u0165 to stoj\u00ed, co to stoj\u00ed. Tedy: T\u0159ikr\u00e1t hur\u00e1 ka\u017ed\u00e9mu, kdo najde s\u00edlu p\u0159iznat si, \u017ee jeho \u017eivot pot\u0159ebuje radik\u00e1ln\u00ed zm\u011bnu. A sedmn\u00e1ctkr\u00e1t hur\u00e1 tomu, kdo najde je\u0161t\u011b v\u011bt\u0161\u00ed s\u00edlu na to, aby tu zm\u011bnu za\u010dal realizovat. A te\u010f mne omluvte, nebo\u0165 mus\u00edm j\u00edt sepsat n\u00e1vrh sv\u00e9 v\u00fdpov\u011bdi.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Co se stane, kdy\u017e \u010dlov\u011bk sch\u00e1z\u00ed ze schod\u016f a \u0161l\u00e1pne si na rozv\u00e1zanou tkani\u010dku u boty?\u00a0Po\u0161le ho to tlamou nap\u0159ed. Resp: dolu a vp\u0159ed.\u00a0V m\u00e9m p\u0159\u00edpad\u011b m\u011b „dole„, tedy pod schodi\u0161t\u011bm co vede od lo\u017enice do ob\u00fdv\u00e1ku, \u010dekala ze\u010f. \u00a0A jak sem se tak bez re\u00e1ln\u00e9 mo\u017enosti z\u00e1chrany nebo odvr\u00e1cen\u00ed p\u00e1du \u0159\u00edtil proti t\u00e9 … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: M\u00fdval na chc\u00edpnut\u00ed<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[4,9,3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1087"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1091,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1087\/revisions\/1091"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1087"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1087"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1087"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}