{"id":1092,"date":"2014-12-31T13:58:03","date_gmt":"2014-12-31T12:58:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1092"},"modified":"2014-12-31T14:11:03","modified_gmt":"2014-12-31T13:11:03","slug":"krutomyval-jak-se-nevari-vejce-do-skla","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1092","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: Jak se (ne)va\u0159\u00ed vejce do skla?"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. P\u00e1r dn\u016f pot\u00e9, co sem se nev\u011bdomky pokusil zab\u00edt na schodech<\/a>, byl \u0160t\u011bdr\u00fd Den. \u00a0Jeliko\u017e u m\u011b tou dobou st\u00e1le je\u0161t\u011b smrd\u011bla sestra (kter\u00e1, sv\u011bte div se, si po\u0159\u00e1d e\u0161t\u011b dr\u017e\u00ed tu ne-prostitu\u010dn\u00ed pr\u00e1ci, i kdy\u017e podle m\u011b je to ot\u00e1zka dn\u016f, kdy se profl\u00e1kne, \u017ee to je jen d\u00edky tomu, \u017ee \u0161\u00e9fa v pauz\u00e1ch pod stolem kou\u0159\u00ed)<\/em>, bylo nasnad\u011b, aby mi dala n\u011bjak\u00fd d\u00e1rek.<\/p>\n

2. Taky \u017ee jo. Dostal sem „m\u011b\u0159i\u010d \u010dasu na va\u0159en\u00ed vajec<\/em>„. Nebo tak n\u011bco. Prost\u011b mal\u00e1 plastov\u00e1 mrcha ov\u00e1ln\u00e9ho tvaru, co m\u00e1 na sob\u011b t\u0159i \u010d\u00e1rky, indikuj\u00edc\u00ed zabarven\u00edm \u017ee vejce je na tvrdo, m\u011bkko, nebo hnili\u010dku. „Egg Perfect Egg Timer<\/em>“ se to menuje.\u00a0Sestra mi to dala se slovy, \u017ee u\u017e se nem\u016f\u017ee koukat na to, jak nemo\u017en\u00fd sem v kuchyni, a \u017ee ch\u00e1pe \u017ee chod\u00edm furt na j\u00eddlo do restaurac\u00ed, kdy\u017e si nejsem schopen ani uva\u0159it vaj\u010dka. To se m\u011b trochu dotklo, proto\u017ee vaj\u010dka podle m\u011b um\u00ed uva\u0159it ka\u017ed\u00fd debil, co\u017e sem se taky rozhodl n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00ed den demonstrovat.<\/p>\n

3. To sem ale debil.<\/p>\n

4. Pochopiteln\u011b, jako norm\u00e1ln\u00ed chlap, sem ne\u010detl k p\u0159\u00edstroji n\u00e1vod. P\u0159el\u00e9tl sem ho o\u010dima, kdy\u017e sem tu v\u011bc vybaloval a zahl\u00e9dl „vlo\u017eit do hrnce a sledovat barvu<\/em>„. No tak fajn, to se ned\u00e1 posrat.<\/p>\n

5. D\u00e1.<\/p>\n

6. Vzal sem hrnec, nalil do n\u011bj vodu, \u00a0vlo\u017eil do n\u011bj vejcov\u011b\u0159i\u010d, a postavil to na spor\u00e1k. Pak sem si \u0161el \u010d\u00edst nov\u00e9 vyd\u00e1n\u00ed \u010dasopisu Scientific American. B\u011bhem toho m\u011b napadlo, \u017ee nev\u00edm, jestli se tam maj\u00ed d\u00e1t vejce v moment\u011b, kdy se voda va\u0159\u00ed, nebo d\u0159\u00edv, a jestli se ten m\u011b\u0159i\u010d m\u011bl d\u00e1t do vody a\u017e p\u0159i bodu varu, nebo hned na za\u010d\u00e1tku.<\/p>\n

7. Za\u010dal sem to zu\u0159ive googlovat, ale sv\u011bte div se, tuhle ot\u00e1zku si nikdo p\u0159i pou\u017e\u00edv\u00e1n\u00ed toho \u010f\u00e1b\u011blsk\u00e9ho p\u0159\u00edstroje z\u0159ejm\u011b nekladl. V\u0161ude je jen „vlo\u017ete do vody<\/em>„. Ale nep\u00ed\u0161e se tam jestli do studen\u00e9 nebo va\u0159\u00edc\u00ed. Sakry\u0161. Mezit\u00edm se voda za\u010dala va\u0159it, tak sem nem\u011bl \u010das to d\u00e1l \u0159e\u0161it, nebo\u0165 sem musel j\u00edt um\u00edstit vejce. To sem provedl, ale p\u0159i\u0161lo mi, \u017ee \u010dasova\u010d u\u017e mezit\u00edm s\u00e1m, bez p\u0159\u00edtomnosti vajec pokro\u010dil moc sm\u011brem k „na m\u011bkko<\/em>„. \u00a0Rychle sem se e\u0161t\u011b sna\u017eil dogooglovat jak se v\u016fbec va\u0159\u00ed vejce, ale mezit\u00edm u\u017e \u010dasova\u010d ukazoval jednozna\u010dn\u011b „na m\u011bkko<\/em>„, co\u017e bylo st\u00e1dium co sem cht\u011bl.<\/p>\n

8. Tak\u017ee bylo nutn\u00e9 jednat. Vejce sem vyndal a jedno z nich pod studenou vodou opatrn\u011b otev\u0159el. Nasralo m\u011b, jak je slo\u017eit\u00e9 dostat z toho vaj\u010dka by\u0165 kousil\u00ednek sko\u0159\u00e1pky!!! A e\u0161t\u011b v\u00edc m\u011b do\u017eralo, \u017ee vevnit\u0159 bylo vejce v podstat\u011b syrov\u00e9. Na\u0161tvan\u011b sem tedy v\u0161echna vejce, v\u010detn\u011b toho otev\u0159en\u00e9ho hodil zp\u011bt do va\u0159\u00edc\u00ed vody – kde mezit\u00edm \u010dasova\u010d pokro\u010dil k „na hnili\u010dku<\/em>„. Kua!<\/p>\n

9. Zkr\u00e1t\u00edm to. Postupn\u011b sem vejce vyndaval z hrnce, zkoumal, a zandaval zp\u00e1tky e\u0161t\u011b asi dvakr\u00e1t, p\u0159i\u010dem\u017e to co sem otev\u0159el, mi pak v\u017edy nechutn\u011b vyh\u0159ezlo do t\u00e9 va\u0159\u00edc\u00ed se \u00a0vody. Kde sem je v\u0161echny (a\u017e na jedno, co sem si cht\u011bl pojistit, \u017ee bude nam\u011bkko \u00a0a tedy sem ho podruh\u00e9 zp\u00e1tky u\u017e ned\u00e1val<\/em>) nechal u\u017e jen asi minutu, ne\u017e sem ztratil nervy, proto\u017ee \u010dasova\u010d ukazoval u\u017e skoro natvrdo. Vejce sem nadobro vyklopil do d\u0159ezu a n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edch p\u011bt minut se je sna\u017eil oloupat, abych si je mohl vykydnout do skla. Co\u017e se mi neda\u0159ilo, proto\u017ee jak se uk\u00e1zalo, zbavit vejce sko\u0159\u00e1pky je nadlidsk\u00fd (nebo aspo\u0148 nadm\u00fdval\u00ed<\/em>) \u00fakol. \u00a0To jedno vejce nav\u00edc bylo syrov\u00e9 a zbyl\u00e9 dv\u011b naopak byly v\u00edc ne\u017e nahnili\u010dku. Asi proto, \u017ee zat\u00edmco sem ztr\u00e1cel \u010das loup\u00e1n\u00edm toho prvn\u00edho, nem\u011bl sem je nech\u00e1vat se d\u00e1l va\u0159it. A \u017e\u00e1dn\u00e9 se mi nepoda\u0159ilo uspokojiv\u011b oloupat \u00a0(p\u0159esto\u017ee sko\u0159\u00e1pky posely plochu asi sedmi metr\u016f \u010dtvere\u010dn\u00edch a ucpaly odtok v umyvadle)<\/em> a musel sem je pak potupn\u011b dlabat l\u017ei\u010dkou.<\/p>\n

10. Suma sum\u00e1rum, op\u011bt sem si potvrdil sv\u00e9 p\u0159esv\u011bd\u010den\u00ed, \u017ee M\u00fdval do kuchyn\u011b nepat\u0159\u00ed. \u0160koda \u017ee sem si p\u0159itom musel pekeln\u011b zabordelit kuchy\u0148 a opa\u0159it dva prsty. Ale aspo\u0148 sem si zase p\u0159ipomenul, co mi opravdu jde, narozd\u00edl od va\u0159en\u00ed. Nal\u00e9vat si do skleni\u010dky vodku. Otev\u0159el sem tedy novou lahev extra chlazen\u00e9 Skyy, \u00a0a pokud se vydr\u017e\u00edm dnes do ve\u010dera \u00fapln\u011b nezbo\u0159it, p\u016fjdu se pod\u00edvat na kolegu komika do Comedy Cellar na novoro\u010dn\u00ed p\u00e1rty, kde se budu za pomoci alkoholu, drog a viln\u00fdch \u017een sna\u017eit zapomenout na ten neblah\u00fd vaj\u00ed\u010dkov\u00fd experiment. V mezidob\u00ed: Hezk\u00fd vstup do roku 2015 v\u0161em. Nech\u0165 sou va\u0161e vejce lehko loupateln\u00e1, va\u0161e kuchy\u0148 \u010dist\u00e1 \u00a0a va\u0161im prst\u016fm z\u016fstane neporu\u0161en\u00e1 t\u011blesn\u00e1 integrita.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. P\u00e1r dn\u016f pot\u00e9, co sem se nev\u011bdomky pokusil zab\u00edt na schodech, byl \u0160t\u011bdr\u00fd Den. \u00a0Jeliko\u017e u m\u011b tou dobou st\u00e1le je\u0161t\u011b smrd\u011bla sestra (kter\u00e1, sv\u011bte div se, si po\u0159\u00e1d e\u0161t\u011b dr\u017e\u00ed tu ne-prostitu\u010dn\u00ed pr\u00e1ci, i kdy\u017e podle m\u011b je to ot\u00e1zka dn\u016f, kdy se profl\u00e1kne, \u017ee to je jen d\u00edky tomu, \u017ee \u0161\u00e9fa v … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: Jak se (ne)va\u0159\u00ed vejce do skla?<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[5,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1092"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1106,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1092\/revisions\/1106"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1092"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1092"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1092"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}