{"id":1239,"date":"2015-06-06T08:12:38","date_gmt":"2015-06-06T07:12:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1239"},"modified":"2015-06-06T15:00:21","modified_gmt":"2015-06-06T14:00:21","slug":"krutomyval-sledarna-ohrozena","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1239","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: sle\u010f\u00e1rna v ohro\u017een\u00ed!"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Ned\u00e1vno kolega o sle\u010dn\u011b, co ukl\u00edz\u00ed v Burger Kingovi za rohem od kancel\u00e1\u0159e, kam se oba ob\u010das uchylujeme jako do nejlep\u0161\u00ed za\u0161\u00edv\u00e1rny –\u00a0proto\u017ee tam n\u00e1s, obossovan\u00e9 arogantn\u00ed pr\u00e1vn\u00edky, nikdo hledat nebude-, \u00a0vy\u0159kl \u017ee „m\u00e1 sle\u010f\u00e1rnu na cel\u00fd hejno sle\u010f\u016f<\/em>„.<\/p>\n

2. Nikdy sem ten v\u00fdraz o lidsk\u00e9m zadku \u0159\u00edct nesly\u0161el, a ta holka mi nep\u0159i\u0161la \u017ee by m\u011bla prdel n\u011bjak extra velkou, a\u0165 u\u017e na sled\u011b, nebo na jinou pa\u017eravou \u010dele\u010f. Ale takovou sp\u00ed\u0161 p\u011bkn\u011b klenutou a tvarovanou. Tak\u017ee sem jen pok\u00fdval a obl\u00edzl se, p\u00e1\u010d takov\u00fd zadky j\u00e1 r\u00e1d. Pro zaj\u00edmavost, v angli\u010dtin\u011b je hejno herink\u016f „school of herrings<\/em>“ tedy kolega prohl\u00e1sil „her ass’d get an entire school of herrings „.<\/em><\/p>\n

3. Zjistil sem, \u017ee se mi p\u0159edstava spojovat sled\u011b s pozad\u00edm \u00a0lidsk\u00e9ho t\u011bla velmi zal\u00edbila, \u00a0ale pouze v \u010de\u0161tin\u011b, kter\u00e1 je tak kr\u00e1sn\u00e1, \u017ee mi nab\u00eddla slovo „sle\u010f\u00e1rna<\/em>„, a to sem n\u011bkde v podv\u011bdom\u00ed za\u010dal ihned pou\u017e\u00edvat pro ozna\u010den\u00ed zadk\u016f. Jak\u00fdchkoliv. Mal\u00fdch, velk\u00fdch, b\u00edl\u00fdch, \u010dern\u00fdch, pevn\u00fdch, roztekl\u00fdch, mu\u017esk\u00fdch, \u017eensk\u00fdch, prost\u011b v\u0161echny prdele byly najednou sle\u010f\u00e1rny.<\/p>\n

4. Kdy\u017e sem to pak sd\u00edlel se sv\u00fdm \u010desk\u00fdm kamar\u00e1dem anesteziologem, \u0159ekl: „po\u010dkej, ale nen\u00ed sle\u010f\u00e1rna sp\u00ed\u0161 vag\u00edna<\/em>„? A nastala dvouhodinov\u00e1 debata na t\u00e9ma, \u010demu tak vlastn\u011b \u0159\u00edkat. Vyhr\u00e1l sem j\u00ed s t\u00edm, \u017ee \u00a0sle\u010f\u00e1rna z principu v\u011bci mus\u00ed bejt studen\u00e1, a \u017eeny maj\u00ed vaginy tepl\u00e9 a zadky studen\u00e9, tak\u017ee je to jasn\u00e9.<\/p>\n

5. No ale r\u00e1d bych se vr\u00e1til k nadpisu tohoto \u010dl\u00e1nku a faktu, \u017ee MOJE vlastn\u00ed sle\u010f\u00e1rna (pojem mo\u017eno pou\u017e\u00edvat i na mu\u017ee, jak je zjevn\u00e9)<\/em> byla ned\u00e1vno v akutn\u00edm ohro\u017een\u00ed, a to sice\u00a0kdy\u017e sem p\u0159ed p\u00e1r t\u00fddny na JFK vyndal z kufru n\u00ed\u017ee vyfocen\u00fd p\u0159\u00edstroj a sna\u017eil se ouniformovan\u00e9mu \u00fa\u0159edn\u00edmu \u0161em\u00edkovi vysv\u011btlit, \u017ee ma\u0161ina nepodl\u00e9ha smlouv\u011b o v\u00fdvozu zbran\u00ed, nebo\u0165 to nen\u00ed zbra\u0148, ale laboratorn\u00ed spektometr, kter\u00fdm se daj\u00ed ladit lejzry.<\/p>\n

6. A to v\u0161echno tak, abych ne\u0159ekl slovo „lejzr<\/em>“ ani „zbra\u0148<\/em>“ , proto\u017ee to by bezpochyby zp\u016fsobilo, \u017ee m\u00e1 vlastn\u00ed neboh\u00e1 sle\u010f\u00e1rna by byla okam\u017eit\u011b p\u0159est\u011bhov\u00e1na na vojenskou z\u00e1kladnu na Kub\u011b. A nejprve hned na JFK a jist\u011b pak i v Guantanamu by moje k\u0159ehk\u00e1 nezprzn\u011bn\u00e1 a mnoha \u010dinkama-zat\u00ed\u017een\u00fdch d\u0159ep\u016f vysoustruhovan\u00e1 sle\u010f\u00e1rni\u010dka podrobena \u0159ad\u00e1m extern\u00edch \u00a0\u00fatok\u016f vyholen\u00fdch a mozkuprost\u00fdch halibut\u016f, co to tam vedou, a zajist\u00e9 \u010dasem i intern\u00edch inspekc\u00ed od ovousen\u00fdch a Isl\u00e1m uzn\u00e1vaj\u00edc\u00edch lachtan\u016f, co se tam se mnou budou spoluv\u011bz\u0148it.<\/p>\n

7. A takov\u00fd v\u00fdhled se mi pranic nel\u00edbil. Vyt\u00e1hl sem tedy tu nejlep\u0161\u00ed ze sv\u00fdch karet zvanou „sem pr\u00e1vn\u00edk<\/em>„. V\u011bt\u0161inou funguje l\u00e9pe ne\u017e platinovka, ale tady to n\u011bjak nem\u011blo k\u00fd\u017een\u00fd v\u00fdsledek. \u0160em\u00edk pravil a\u0165 dr\u017e\u00edm hubu, rozkro\u010d\u00edm a rozpa\u017e\u00edm. \u0160lo evidentne do tuh\u00e9ho.<\/p>\n

8. Jak m\u011b tak hloubkov\u011b \u0161acovali, pot\u00edrali r\u016fznejma lakmusov\u011b nevypadaj\u00edc\u00edma pap\u00edrkama (prej na zji\u0161t\u011bn\u00ed kontaktu s v\u00fdbu\u0161ninama a drogama<\/em>), posyp\u00e1vali pr\u00e1\u0161kem, a osvicovali ultrafialov\u00fdm sv\u011btlem, a cel\u00e1 procedura se nebezpe\u010dn\u011b rychle p\u0159ibli\u017eovala k v\u011bt\u011b: „sundejte si kalhoty a ohn\u011bte se<\/em>„, napadla m\u011b sp\u00e1sn\u00e1 my\u0161lenka: navrhnout, \u017ee ten kr\u00e1m nikam p\u0159ev\u00e1\u017eet nechci a \u017ee ho ihned vyvezu mimo prostory leti\u0161t\u011b a na v\u0161echno zapomeneme.<\/p>\n

9. Sv\u011bte div se, po dal\u0161\u00ed hodin\u011b pohovor\u016f na t\u00e9ma „o co mi \u0161lo<\/em>“ a podeps\u00e1n\u00ed asi t\u0159\u00ed tuct\u016f dokument\u016f, kde sem se musel vzd\u00e1t nejr\u016fzn\u011bj\u0161\u00edch sou\u010dasn\u00fdch, minul\u00fdch i budouc\u00edch pr\u00e1v, a p\u0159isl\u00edbit americk\u00e9 vl\u00e1d\u011b do\u017eivotn\u00ed p\u0159\u00edstup ke sv\u00e9mu pasu, \u00fa\u010dtu, domovu i sle\u010f\u00e1rn\u011b, sem byl, (\u00f3d\u00edkyvelk\u00fdmanitou<\/em>), propu\u0161t\u011bn (rozum\u011bj: vykopnut)<\/em> z leti\u0161t\u011b i s tou plechoidn\u00ed vobludou. Kerou m\u011b p\u016fvodn\u011b po\u017e\u00e1dal \u0161\u00edlen\u00fd kamar\u00e1d co pracuje pro Evropskou Vesm\u00edrnou Agenturu a ve voln\u00e9m \u010dase si doma stav\u00ed m\u00edrumilovn\u00e9 ladi\u010dky lejzr\u016f, abych mu dovezl do Evropy (p\u00e1\u010d transfer od prodejce z Ebay by byl zna\u010dn\u011b drah\u00fd)<\/em>. Debil. A\u017e ho p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b uvid\u00edm, tak mu do jeho sle\u010f\u00e1rny str\u010d\u00edm svoj\u00ed martensku a to pros\u00edm s pe\u010dliv\u00fdm rozb\u011bhem a korpor\u00e1tn\u00edm nad\u0161en\u00edm.<\/p>\n

10. Kdy\u017e sem se pak za t\u00fdden v pr\u00e1ci potkal se sv\u00fdm sle\u010fotvorn\u00fdm kolegou, a vypr\u00e1v\u011bl mu, jak mi necht\u011bn\u011b obohatil slovn\u00edk v m\u00e9m rodn\u00e9m jazyce o b\u00e1je\u010dn\u00e9 slovo „sle\u010f\u00e1rna“<\/em>, hrozne se divil. Vy\u0161lo najevo, \u017ee sem ho p\u016fvodne \u0161patn\u011b pochopil. To ozna\u010den\u00ed nebylo pro „velikost\/kvalitu\u00a0prdele<\/em>“ jak sem si myslel, ale pro to, jak byla ta sle\u010dna mlad\u00e1. P\u00e1\u010d „herring<\/em>“ je slangov\u00e9 ozna\u010den\u00ed pro pedofila, a „her ass would get a whole school of herings<\/em>“ znamenalo „tahle ro\u0161t\u011bnka mus\u00ed p\u0159itahovat hordu pedofil\u016f<\/em>„. Mnojono. Ale pro m\u011b u\u017e je sle\u010f\u00e1rna sle\u010f\u00e1rna, a hlavn\u00ed je, \u017ee \u00a0ta moje byla prozat\u00edm uchr\u00e1n\u011bna od invazivn\u00edch vstup\u016f ciz\u00edch vojsk. P\u0159eju v\u00e1m to sam\u00e9. A hezk\u00fd v\u00edkend.<\/p>\n

\"spectrak\"<\/a>tady je ilustrativne jeden generickej<\/p>\n

A pro lep\u0161\u00ed p\u0159edstavu toho co sem pa\u0161oval (38 kilo \u0161rotu, a cca 90cm na vej\u0161ku<\/em>) zde je i ten konkr\u00e9tn\u00ed a zcela ne\u0161kodnej m\u00e1slostroj.<\/p>\n

V\u010detn\u011b vnit\u0159ku s hroziv\u011b vypadaj\u00edc\u00edm nicm\u00e9n\u011b zcela m\u00edrumilovn\u00fdm \u010derven\u00fdm dr\u00e1tkem, kter\u00fd sem n\u00e1pomocn\u011b nab\u00edzel i demonstrativn\u011b na m\u00edst\u011b p\u0159est\u0159ihnout, aby bylo jasn\u00e9, \u017ee to je ne\u0161kodn\u00e1 ma\u0161inka. Neusp\u011bl sem. Lidi sou divn\u00fd. Zvl\u00e1\u0161t\u011bpak na leti\u0161t\u00edch.\"nezbraninside\"<\/a><\/p>\n

no nenechali byste m\u011b prolet\u011bt? Dy\u0165 \u00a0je jasn\u00e9 \u017ee to je jen chlapsk\u00e1 hra\u010dka.\"nezbran\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Ned\u00e1vno kolega o sle\u010dn\u011b, co ukl\u00edz\u00ed v Burger Kingovi za rohem od kancel\u00e1\u0159e, kam se oba ob\u010das uchylujeme jako do nejlep\u0161\u00ed za\u0161\u00edv\u00e1rny –\u00a0proto\u017ee tam n\u00e1s, obossovan\u00e9 arogantn\u00ed pr\u00e1vn\u00edky, nikdo hledat nebude-, \u00a0vy\u0159kl \u017ee „m\u00e1 sle\u010f\u00e1rnu na cel\u00fd hejno sle\u010f\u016f„. 2. Nikdy sem ten v\u00fdraz o lidsk\u00e9m zadku \u0159\u00edct nesly\u0161el, a ta holka mi nep\u0159i\u0161la … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: sle\u010f\u00e1rna v ohro\u017een\u00ed!<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[6,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1239"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1239"}],"version-history":[{"count":33,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1239\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1243,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1239\/revisions\/1243"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1239"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1239"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1239"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}