{"id":1276,"date":"2015-06-10T23:57:56","date_gmt":"2015-06-10T22:57:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1276"},"modified":"2015-06-12T21:26:58","modified_gmt":"2015-06-12T20:26:58","slug":"krutomyval-pekelna-dira-utoci","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1276","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: pekeln\u00e1 d\u00edra \u00fato\u010d\u00ed!"},"content":{"rendered":"
1. Mysl\u00edm, \u017ee se v\u0161ichni shodnem na tom, \u017ee M\u00fdval je zcestoval\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk, co ho jen tak n\u011bco nep\u0159ekvap\u00ed. Zru\u0161en\u00fd let v Kazachst\u00e1nu vy\u00fastil \u00a0v noc mezi velbloudama, v Singapuru m\u011b m\u00e1lem zatkli za sledov\u00e1n\u00ed porna na leti\u0161ti\u00a0(je n\u011bkde napsan\u00fd \u017ee se to nesm\u00ed, snad<\/em>?!), v USA sem pa\u0161oval nelejzrov\u00e9 nezbran\u011b, v Moskv\u011b mi necht\u011bli uznat v\u00edzum, v Kanad\u011b odm\u00edtli \u00a0v\u011b\u0159it moj\u00ed zelen\u00fd kart\u011b, v Turecku m\u011b po p\u0159\u00edletu z Azerbajd\u017e\u00e1nu, v\u00fdletu tax\u00edkem k mo\u0159i \u00a0a zp\u011bt v r\u00e1mci dvouhodinov\u00e9ho p\u0159estupu z jednoho letu na druhej vyhodnotili jako zvl\u00e1\u0161t\u011b nebezpe\u010dn\u00e9ho \u0161\u00edlence, zadr\u017eeli, zpov\u00eddali a op\u011bt sem m\u011bl sle\u010f\u00e1rnu v ohro\u017een\u00ed<\/a>. Ale v\u0161e sem ust\u00e1l bez ztr\u00e1ty strome\u010dku. Ov\u0161em Stansteadsk\u00e9 leti\u0161t\u011b v Anglii m\u011b m\u00e1lem zabilo. Ano, je to tak, M\u00fdval potkal svou leti\u0161tn\u00ed Nemesis.<\/div>\n
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2. Abych to vysv\u011btlil: sem u\u017e p\u00e1r t\u00fddn\u016f na takov\u00e9 okru\u017en\u00ed vy\u0161et\u0159ovac\u00ed cest\u011b. 5 zem\u00ed za p\u011bt dn\u00ed a tak. N\u011bkam se p\u0159ikodrc\u00e1m jako velk\u00fd boss z Ameriky, se sv\u00fdm obzl\u00e1\u0161t\u011b k\u0159ehk\u00fdm nov\u00fdm mas\u00ed\u010dkem v podob\u011b blon\u010fat\u00e9ho \u0161edo-ok\u00e9ho otroka s velikosti oble\u010den\u00ed 34 a podprsenkou \u010d\u00edslo 2, a klient\u016fm zatop\u00edme.<\/div>\n
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3. Abych \u0160edotrokyni oslnil sv\u00fdm lidumilstv\u00edm a pokorou, p\u0159ebookoval sem se z business class v norm\u00e1ln\u00ed aerolince na jej\u00ed otro\u010d\u00ed class v low costu. Pravil sem \u017ee \u201cmezi n\u00e1mi p\u0159eci nen\u00ed \u017e\u00e1dn\u00fd rozd\u00edl\u201d<\/em>, blahosklonn\u011b se usm\u00e1l, a p\u0159edstavoval si jak j\u00ed nejpozd\u011bji za 2 dny n\u011bkd\u011b kl\u00e1t\u00edm, proto\u017ee pr\u00e1v\u011b pochopila, \u017ee sem nejlep\u0161\u00ed. Jen\u017ee low costy sou hrozn\u00fd. Jejich probl\u00e9m je, \u017ee maj\u00ed v\u011b\u010dn\u011b n\u011bjak\u00e9 zpo\u017ed\u011bn\u00ed. \u00a0Tak\u017ee kdy\u017e sme v\u010dera cht\u011bli nasednout do letadla, uk\u00e1zalo se, \u017ee let posunuli o 3 hodiny. Na hodinov\u00fd let to je docela dost. A v\u00fdsledkem bylo dvoj\u00ed ne\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed: musel sem si s blond\u00fdnou 3 hodiny pov\u00eddat a na hotel sme m\u00edsto o p\u016flnoci po v\u0161ech t\u011bch zpo\u017ed\u011bn\u00edch dorazili ve 4 r\u00e1no.<\/div>\n
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4. V osm pak bylo nutn\u00e9 vst\u00e1vat, proto\u017ee \u201cdawn raid<\/em>\u201d nebo-li takzvan\u00e1\u00a0\u201cne\u010dekan\u00e1 p\u0159epadovka za \u00fasvitu<\/em>\u201d se v\u011bt\u0161inou ned\u011bl\u00e1 odpoledne a nav\u00edc nejde stihnout za dv\u011b hodiny, kter\u00e9 by n\u00e1m zbyly, kdybychom do 11 spali a vyrazili a\u017e pak. Koks mi do\u0161el u\u017e v jednu odpoledne. Ano, sem debil, m\u00e1m bejt l\u00edp p\u0159ipravenej, j\u00e1 v\u00edm. Ve \u010dty\u0159i odpoledne sem byl teda na velmi nep\u0159\u00edjemn\u00e9m dojezdu kombinovan\u00e9m s pekelnou sp\u00e1nkovou deprivac\u00ed, ze kter\u00e9 m\u011b nedostaly ani 2 redbully a 3 kafe. Kdyby si \u0160edotrokyn\u011b sundala kalhotky a rozt\u00e1hla na m\u011b nohy, jedin\u00e9 na co bych se asi zmohl by bylo elegantn\u011b omdl\u00edt, abych nemusel vysv\u011btlovat pro\u010d mi nestoj\u00ed. Na\u0161t\u011bst\u00ed si kalhotky nesvl\u00edkla, proto\u017ee m\u011bla asi sama co d\u011blat s t\u00edm, aby si nemusela d\u00e1t do o\u010d\u00ed sirky.<\/div>\n
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5. N\u011bkdy v p\u011bt sem j\u00ed velkopansky poslal sp\u00e1t na hotel, a s\u00e1m pravil \u017ee zejt\u0159ej\u0161\u00ed audit v Irsku hrdin\u011b provedu s\u00e1m. A vyrazil na zkurvenej Stanstead. V \u0161est sem e\u0161t\u011b tr\u010del na M25, silnici kter\u00e1 dokazuje existenci Satana, a cht\u011blo se mi z\u00e1rove\u0148 blejt a sr\u00e1t vy\u010derp\u00e1n\u00edm. V sedm sem se doplazil na leti\u0161t\u011b, chrstl na sebe vodu, hodil do sebe dal\u0161\u00edho redbula, \u0161el se na z\u00e1chod vyblejt, a pak se s\u00edlou v\u016fle p\u0159em\u00edstil ke sv\u00e9 br\u00e1n\u011b.<\/div>\n
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6. Jen\u017ee. Jak je \u010dlov\u011bk fakt u\u017e na pokraji zhroucen\u00ed, tak se za\u010dne d\u00edt zaj\u00edmav\u00e1 vec. \u010cas a prostor se v\u00edc zak\u0159iv\u00ed. Tzn. \u010das plynul z m\u00e9ho pohledu pomaleji a prostor ned\u00e1val \u017e\u00e1dny smysl. Tak\u017ee se asi nelze co divit, \u017ee sem m\u00edsto u sv\u00e9 br\u00e1ny 10 minut p\u0159ed boardingem skon\u010dil na jin\u00e9m termin\u00e1lu, p\u011bt minut po boardingu. Norm\u00e1ln\u011b by to nebyl \u017e\u00e1dn\u00fd probl\u00e9m. Ale proto\u017ee tohle je Stanstead, jedin\u00e9 kurvap\u00ed\u010da prdelposran\u00e1smradlav\u00e1 mezin\u00e1rodn\u00ed leti\u0161t\u011b co m\u00e1 \u201cjednosm\u011brn\u00e9 termin\u00e1ly<\/em>\u201d (r<\/em>esp. jejich k\u0159\u00eddla, termin\u00e1l je tam de-facto jen jeden, ale je postaven do \u00fa\u010dka ze t\u0159\u00ed blok\u016f, kter\u00e9, v\u011b\u0159te tomu nebo ne, se daj\u00ed proch\u00e1zet jen jedn\u00edm sm\u011brem), tak se z toho m\u00e9ho \u00faseku u\u017e ne\u0161lo dostat zp\u00e1tky. Byl sem o 4 br\u00e1ny vedle. Vid\u011bl svoje letadlo p\u0159es leti\u0161tn\u00ed plochu. Bylo ode m\u011b max 200 metr\u016f. Ale asi 75 \u010derven\u00fdch p\u00e1sek a n\u00e1pis\u016f \u201cz\u00e1kaz vstupu\u201d.<\/em><\/div>\n
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7. No co v\u00e1m m\u00e1m pov\u00eddat. Norm\u00e1ln\u011b bych letadlo o\u017eelel, a \u0161el se zabydlet do hotelu a let\u011bl pozd\u011bji nebo a\u017e dal\u0161\u00ed den, ale m\u011bl sem mysl zakalenou sp\u00e1nkovou deprivac\u00ed, drogov\u00fdm dojezdem, blo\u0148datejma prdelkama a halucinovat sem za\u010dal asi deset minut p\u0159ed t\u00edm zji\u0161t\u011bn\u00edm, \u017ee sem ve \u0161patn\u00e9 \u010d\u00e1sti leti\u0161t\u011b.<\/div>\n
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8. Ten nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00ed pr\u016fser bylo \u017ee v tom m\u00e9m k\u0159\u00eddle sem byl s\u00e1m. Nebyli tam ani jin\u00ed cestuj\u00edc\u00ed, ani \u017e\u00e1dn\u00ed zam\u011bstnanci. Tak\u017ee mo\u017enosti toho \u201cse s n\u011bk\u00fdm poradit<\/em>\u201d byly minim\u00e1ln\u00ed. Do toho mi chc\u00edpal mobil a ob p\u011bt minut sem chodil do ko\u0161\u016f blejt, proto\u017ee se uk\u00e1zalo \u017ee m\u00e1m z\u00e1rove\u0148 p\u0159\u00ed\u0161ern\u00fd hlad a z\u00e1rove\u0148 moje t\u011blo odm\u00edtalo norm\u00e1ln\u011b zpracov\u00e1vat potraviny. N\u00e1pis \u201csystem crashing down<\/em>\u201d je to, co si tak p\u0159edstavuju \u017ee bych m\u011bl na displeji na z\u00e1dech, kdybych byl robot.<\/div>\n
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9. Kdy\u017e u\u017e sem v\u0161ude po st\u011bn\u00e1ch vid\u011bl l\u00e9zt trpaslice v bikin\u00e1ch s n\u00e1pisem \u201cKing-Kong je m\u016fj p\u00e1n<\/em>\u201d, do\u0161lo mi, \u017ee to nen\u00ed legrace. Z posledn\u00edch sil sem na\u0165ukal do mobilu \u201cB\u00e1rte<\/a>, konta u\u017e nem\u00e1m ve \u0161v\u00fdcarech ale na St Kitts and Nevis<\/em>\u201d, a hodlal se zk\u00e1cet k zemi. Kdy\u017e sly\u0161\u00edm z d\u00e1lky a p\u0159es rud\u00e9 m\u017eitky p\u0159ed u\u0161ima \u201cHey there, are you lost?<\/em>\u201d. Z posledn\u00edch sil oto\u010d\u00edm hlavu za zvukem a sly\u0161\u00edm z hl\u00e1sn\u00e9 trouby instrukci abych \u0161el k n\u011bjak\u00e9mu z\u00e1chytn\u00e9mu ochrann\u00e9mu stanovi\u0161ti.\u00a0Nekec\u00e1m. \u201cgo to the refuge point<\/em>\u201d prej. Kde najdu polorozpadl\u00fd telefon a n\u00e1pis, \u017ee for help m\u00e1m vyto\u010dit 01189998819991197253\u00a0a \u0159\u00edct si o p\u0159evoz k letadlu.<\/div>\n
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10. Nov\u00fd z\u00e1blesk nad\u011bje mi dodal energii na to ten telefon\u00e1t uskute\u010dnit, a dokonce se od M\u00fdvala-zachra\u0148uj\u00edc\u00edho oper\u00e1tora dozv\u011bd\u011bt, \u017ee moje letadlo je zpo\u017ed\u011bn\u00fd a a\u0165 sem v klidu, \u017ee m\u011b z toho jednosm\u011brn\u00e9ho lidupr\u00e1zdn\u00e9ho k\u0159\u00eddla p\u0159ijedou vysvobodit. Leti\u0161tn\u00edm trasnpont\u00e9rem. Letadlo sem teda stihnul a te\u010f v n\u011bm sed\u00edm, \u017eeru u\u017e asi 54. sendvi\u010d a nech\u00e1pu pro\u010d moje t\u011blo po\u0159\u00e1d signalizuje, \u017ee m\u00e1 hlad. A zji\u0161\u0165uju \u017ee sem se dostal do nov\u00e9 f\u00e1ze: p\u0159et\u00e1h sem to a u\u017e se mi nechce sp\u00e1t. Ale zato se mi pekeln\u011b chce \u0161ukat, a otrokyni sem nechal na hotelu a v\u0161echny stewardky sou bud star\u00fd, tlust\u00fd, nebo chlap. Kua dr\u00e1t to je ale den.<\/div>\n
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\"airport\"<\/a><\/div>\n
pusto prazdno kam se clovek podiva – je to jako 28 days after v zle kombinaci s 28 days.<\/div>\n
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\"airport3\"<\/a><\/div>\n
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so close yet so far away – moje letadlo na letistni plose – kus od zoufaleho Myvala za sklem\"airport2\"<\/a>tady tim domlacenym pristrojem sem se nakonec fakt dovolal o zachranu. to me poser.<\/div>\n
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1. Mysl\u00edm, \u017ee se v\u0161ichni shodnem na tom, \u017ee M\u00fdval je zcestoval\u00fd \u010dlov\u011bk, co ho jen tak n\u011bco nep\u0159ekvap\u00ed. Zru\u0161en\u00fd let v Kazachst\u00e1nu vy\u00fastil \u00a0v noc mezi velbloudama, v Singapuru m\u011b m\u00e1lem zatkli za sledov\u00e1n\u00ed porna na leti\u0161ti\u00a0(je n\u011bkde napsan\u00fd \u017ee se to nesm\u00ed, snad?!), v USA sem pa\u0161oval nelejzrov\u00e9 nezbran\u011b, v Moskv\u011b mi necht\u011bli … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: pekeln\u00e1 d\u00edra \u00fato\u010d\u00ed!<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[6,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1276"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1276"}],"version-history":[{"count":29,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1276\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1314,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1276\/revisions\/1314"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1276"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1276"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1276"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}