{"id":1676,"date":"2016-01-29T18:32:15","date_gmt":"2016-01-29T17:32:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1676"},"modified":"2016-04-28T04:34:38","modified_gmt":"2016-04-28T03:34:38","slug":"krutomyval-jak-si-nenahrat-krk","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1676","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: jak si (ne)nah\u0159\u00e1t krk?"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. P\u0159ed t\u00fddnem sem p\u0159i \u010dist\u011bn\u00ed zub\u016f pohl hlavou, c\u00edt\u00edl n\u011bjak\u00e9 n\u00e1hl\u00e9 k\u0159upnut\u00ed, do jazyka mi vjela k\u0159e\u010d (nov\u00fd z\u00e1\u017eitek, v\u0159ele nedoporu\u010duju<\/em>) a navzdory pocitu, \u017ee se mnou do n\u011bkolika vte\u0159in mus\u00ed b\u00fdt \u00e1men, sem se nesk\u00e1cel v koupeln\u011b na podlahu, a nena\u0161la m\u011b tam o t\u00fdden pozd\u011bji nap\u016fl zetlel\u00e9ho ukl\u00edze\u010dka, ale pouze mi krk n\u00e1hle zatuhnul v jedn\u00e9 poloze a hlavou ne\u0161lo ot\u00e1\u010det na \u017e\u00e1dnou stranu.<\/p>\n

2. Trochu m\u011b nasralo, \u017ee m\u011b takov\u00e1 situace potkala ji\u017e nyn\u00ed, kdy si p\u0159ipad\u00e1m relativn\u011b na vrcholu sv\u00e9ho zdrav\u00ed a mu\u017estv\u00ed. Takov\u00e9 starobn\u00ed poruchy sem o\u010dek\u00e1val \u017ee se budou d\u00edt a\u017e tak po \u0161edes\u00e1tce.<\/p>\n

3. Pak m\u011b napadlo, \u017ee za v\u0161echno m\u016f\u017ee samoz\u0159ejm\u011b matka, jej\u00ed\u017e nacistick\u00e1 v\u00fdchova zap\u0159\u00ed\u010dinila, \u017ee si v\u016fbec jak kokot ty zuby \u010dist\u00edm, p\u00e1\u010d je jasn\u00e9, \u017ee bez \u010di\u0161t\u011bn\u00ed zub\u016f by se mi tenhle \u00faraz nestal.<\/p>\n

4. Mo\u017en\u00e1 bych sice te\u010f m\u011bl paradent\u00f3zu, vypadan\u00e9 zuby a zni\u010den\u00fd spole\u010densk\u00fd \u017eivot, ale aspo\u0148 bych se p\u0159ed p\u0159echodem sedm\u00e9 avenue minul\u00fd v\u00edkend mohl rozhl\u00e9dnout jestli m\u011b hodl\u00e1 p\u0159ejet sn\u011b\u017en\u00fd pluh nebo ne.\u00a0Nehodlal. Ale m\u00e1lem m\u011b porazil snowboardista. Ano, tohle<\/a> se tam skute\u010dn\u011b v t\u00e9 chv\u00edli d\u011blo. New York prost\u011b nelze nemilovat.<\/p>\n

5. Nicm\u00e9n\u011b j\u00e1 sem nebyl zrovna ochoten rozj\u00edmat nad svou l\u00e1skou k tomu nejlep\u0161\u00edmu m\u011bstu na sv\u011bt\u011b, an\u017eto sem byl na cest\u011b ke sv\u00e9mu chiropraktikovi, s \u017e\u00e1dost\u00ed, aby m\u011b napravil, nebo popravil. \u00a0Jin\u00e1 mo\u017enost mi vzhledem k m\u00ed\u0159e m\u00e9ho utrpen\u00ed nep\u0159ipadala jako vhodn\u00e1.<\/p>\n

6. Chiropraktik m\u011b polo\u017eil na z\u00e1da a chvilku mi hlavu tahal pry\u010d od t\u011bla, pak m\u011b prohmatal a provedl p\u00e1r chvat\u016f, p\u0159i kter\u00fdch mi p\u0159i\u0161lo \u017ee m\u011b z\u00e1konit\u011b musel dod\u011blat. Ale nestalo se tak. Mo\u017en\u00e1 sem se i c\u00edtil malinko l\u00edp. Ale prav\u00fd probl\u00e9m m\u011b teprve \u010dekal.<\/p>\n

7. Ten \u0161arlat\u00e1n m\u011b toti\u017e nejen\u017ee zk\u00e1snul vo 35 dolar\u016f, ale nav\u00edc pravil, \u017ee d\u016fle\u017eit\u00e9 je si te\u010f ten krk nah\u0159\u00edvat. Ne udr\u017eovat v teple, ale vylo\u017een\u011b nah\u0159\u00edvat. Cht\u011bl sem na d\u016fkaz porozum\u011bn\u00ed pok\u00fdvat hlavou, ale ne\u0161lo to, tak sem aspo\u0148 souhlasn\u011b poulil o\u010di a zamumlal \u017ee ok. A pak si \u0161el \u00a0domu nah\u0159\u00edvat krk.<\/p>\n

8. J\u00e1 idiot se ale zapomn\u011bl zeptat, jak se to d\u011bl\u00e1. A ti z v\u00e1s, kdo m\u011b znaj\u00ed d\u00e9le tak v\u011bd\u00ed, \u017ee i banality typu „nah\u0159\u00e1t si krk<\/em>“ m\u011b m\u016f\u017eou zcela vykolejit, nebo\u0165 a\u017e b\u011bhem pokusu o tu \u010dinnost zji\u0161\u0165uji, \u017ee si s n\u00ed nev\u00edm rady.<\/p>\n

9. Tedy pro v\u00e1s, co byste si n\u011bkdy cht\u011bli nah\u0159\u00e1t krk m\u00e1m p\u00e1r rad: \u0161\u00e1la v mikrovlnce je k ni\u010demu – nechyt\u00e1 teplo. \u0160\u00e1la polo\u017een\u00e1 na rozeh\u0159\u00e1tou induk\u010dn\u00ed desku plotny je velmi \u0161patn\u00fd n\u00e1pad, p\u00e1\u010d se k n\u00ed ve vte\u0159ine p\u0159i\u0161kva\u0159\u00ed. \u0160\u00e1la polo\u017een\u00e1 na prk\u00fdnko, kter\u00e9 je polo\u017een\u00e9 na rozeh\u0159\u00e1tou induk\u010dn\u00ed desku plotny je dementn\u00ed n\u00e1pad, proto\u017ee p\u0159es to prk\u00fdnko nejde do t\u00e9 \u0161\u00e1ly teplo. \u0160\u00e1la polo\u017een\u00e1 na \u010dtvrtku, kter\u00e1 je polo\u017eena na rozeh\u0159\u00e1tou induk\u010dn\u00ed desku plotny je ultra dementn\u00ed n\u00e1pad, proto\u017ee ta \u010dtvrtka hrozn\u011b rychle chytne. \u0160\u00e1la obalen\u00e1 kolem hrnku s va\u0159\u00edc\u00ed vodou je nejm\u00ed\u0148 blbej n\u00e1pad, ale teplo co \u0161\u00e1la nasaje b\u011bhem asi 10 sekund na krku vyvane, a m\u00e1te zase hovno. Hrnek s va\u0159\u00edc\u00ed vodou na krk nelze p\u0159ikl\u00e1dat. Zaprv\u00e9 to p\u00e1l\u00ed, za druh\u00e9 to m\u00e1 blbej tvar. \u00a0Fil\u00e9 oh\u0159\u00e1t\u00e9 v mikrovlnce a p\u0159ilo\u017een\u00e9 na krk takt\u00e9\u017e hrozn\u011b rychle stydne a nav\u00edc stra\u0161n\u011b smrd\u00ed. A pe\u010den\u00fd pol\u0161t\u00e1\u0159 je \u00fapln\u011b nejv\u00edc k ni\u010demu.<\/p>\n

10. Suma sum\u00e1rum. Nah\u0159\u00e1t krk nelze. P\u0159eju v\u00e1m hodn\u011b \u0161t\u011bst\u00ed v podobn\u00e9 situaci. Je to d\u011bsnej voser.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. P\u0159ed t\u00fddnem sem p\u0159i \u010dist\u011bn\u00ed zub\u016f pohl hlavou, c\u00edt\u00edl n\u011bjak\u00e9 n\u00e1hl\u00e9 k\u0159upnut\u00ed, do jazyka mi vjela k\u0159e\u010d (nov\u00fd z\u00e1\u017eitek, v\u0159ele nedoporu\u010duju) a navzdory pocitu, \u017ee se mnou do n\u011bkolika vte\u0159in mus\u00ed b\u00fdt \u00e1men, sem se nesk\u00e1cel v koupeln\u011b na podlahu, a nena\u0161la m\u011b tam o t\u00fdden pozd\u011bji nap\u016fl zetlel\u00e9ho ukl\u00edze\u010dka, ale pouze mi krk … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: jak si (ne)nah\u0159\u00e1t krk?<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[5,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1676"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1676"}],"version-history":[{"count":8,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1676\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1798,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1676\/revisions\/1798"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1676"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1676"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1676"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}