{"id":1884,"date":"2016-07-02T09:02:03","date_gmt":"2016-07-02T08:02:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1884"},"modified":"2016-07-02T09:02:03","modified_gmt":"2016-07-02T08:02:03","slug":"krutomyval-adam-sklepica-sobota","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=1884","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: Adam Sklepica – sobota"},"content":{"rendered":"
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1. Adam se tuto sobotu poprv\u00e9 v \u017eivot\u011b vzbudil s\u00e1m velmi brzy. Zrovna sv\u00edtalo.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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2. T\u011bsn\u011b po probuzen\u00ed mu p\u0159i\u0161lo, \u017ee posledn\u00edch p\u00e1r dn\u016f byl jen zl\u00fd sen. Rychle si s\u00e1hnul na z\u00e1da, a doufal, \u017ee tam nenahmat\u00e1 buj\u00edc\u00ed SS promo, ale m\u00fdlil se. Bylo tam, dokonce ji\u017e kr\u00e1sn\u011b zapouzd\u0159en\u00e9 v nab\u011bhl\u00e9 a masit\u00e9 jizv\u011b. Adam si povzdychl, nat\u00e1hl ko\u0161ili, vstal, rozpohyboval \u0161peky a dot\u00e1hl svoje mohutn\u00e9 chlupat\u00e9 t\u011blo do koupelny. Ve van\u011b st\u00e1le le\u017eela jeho mrtv\u00e1 matka.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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3. Adama pot\u011b\u0161ilo, \u017ee matka vypad\u00e1 prakticky stejn\u011b jako p\u0159edchoz\u00ed den. Konzervuj\u00edc\u00ed metoda evidentn\u011b fungovala. Koupelna sice smrd\u011bla jako n\u011bco co vyblila sousedovic ko\u010dka pokud by p\u0159edt\u00edm ob\u011bdvala zbytky z Bohnick\u00e9ho pavil\u00f3nu z\u00e1chytky, ale matka nevypadala, \u017ee by se rozkl\u00e1dala. To dodalo Adamovi d\u016fvod k \u00fasm\u011bvu. A \u017ee ho ve sv\u00e9m \u017eivot\u011b nem\u00edval \u010dasto.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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4. Do v\u00fd\u010ditkov\u00e9ho ritu\u00e1lo bylo daleko, tak\u017ee Adam si \u0161el nejprve zahr\u00e1t po\u010d\u00edta\u010dovou hru. Ale dnes se mu moc neda\u0159ilo, bylo t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9 se soust\u0159edit, v tak d\u016fle\u017eit\u00fd den. V\u011b\u0161kerou svou ment\u00e1ln\u00ed s\u00edlu up\u00edral na nadch\u00e1zej\u00edc\u00ed sout\u011b\u017e ve v\u00fd\u010ditk\u00e1ch, tak\u017ee do jedn\u00e9 hodiny ned\u00e1val do hry sv\u00e9 maximum.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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5. Adam s matkou m\u011bli n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00ed pravidla pro sv\u00e9 sobotn\u00ed sout\u011b\u017en\u00ed d\u00fdch\u00e1nky: nikdo si nesm\u011bl dop\u0159edu p\u0159ipravit \u017e\u00e1dn\u00fd psan\u00fd seznam, \u0161lo o to b\u00fdt co nejv\u00edc spont\u00e1nn\u00ed a ovl\u00e1d\u00e1n moment\u00e1ln\u00edmi emocemi. Adam si sice dop\u0159edu v\u017edycky p\u0159ipravil co nejv\u00edc bod\u016f, ale pak p\u0159i h\u0159e samotn\u00e9 jich polovinu zapomn\u011bl. A v\u017edy kdy\u017e matka dodala, jak tr\u00e1pil jej\u00ed vag\u00ednu p\u0159i porodu, tak mu do\u0161la \u0159e\u010d. Ov\u0161em te\u010f to bude jin\u00e9! Adam se rozhodl hr\u00e1t ob\u011b role, ale z\u00e1rove\u0148 si p\u0159edsevzal, \u017ee bude f\u00e9r a bude i za matku hr\u00e1t s t\u00edm nejv\u011bt\u0161\u00edm nasazen\u00edm, kter\u00e9ho je schopen.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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6. Nejprve bylo ale pot\u0159eba p\u0159ipravit st\u016fl. Matka v\u017edy uva\u0159ila na spor\u00e1ku konev \u010daje, a naserv\u00edrovala k tomu soln\u00e9 bonb\u00f3ny. Pr\u00fd aby si Adam uv\u011bdomil, \u017ee j\u00ed \u010dasto svoj\u00ed existenc\u00ed a chov\u00e1n\u00edm syp\u00e1 s\u016fl do pomysln\u00fdch ran. Adam uva\u0159il \u010daj, p\u0159ipravil soln\u00e9 hrudky, zakapan\u00e9 palmov\u00fdm olejem, p\u0159esn\u011b jak to d\u011blala matka, a \u0161el pro n\u00ed do koupelny.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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7. Kdy\u017e j\u00ed tahal z vany ven, p\u0159ekvapilo ho, jak t\u011b\u017ek\u00e9 bylo jej\u00ed t\u011blo. Spo\u010d\u00edtal lahve v rohu a zjistil, \u017ee do vany nalil p\u0159es 18 lahv\u00ed Jacka Danielse, asi 7 Skyy vodek, a 2 litry terpent\u00fdnu. A v\u011bt\u0161ina spla\u0161ky se asi nas\u00e1kla do mat\u010dina \u00faboru z Jednoty. Pro\u010d to muselo b\u00fdt z tak sav\u00e9ho materi\u00e1lu? Adamovi se nepovedllo matku po\u0159\u00e1dn\u011b uzvednout, tak\u017ee po chvilce z\u00e1pasen\u00ed se rozhodl j\u00ed v\u00edcem\u00e9n\u011b jen t\u00e1hnout za sebou. Nejprve j\u00ed cht\u011bl dr\u017eet za ruce a j\u00edt s n\u00ed hlavou nap\u0159ed. Ale to mu hrozn\u011b klouzalo, tak\u017ee j\u00ed nakonec vl\u00e1\u010del za boty. Z koupelny do kuchyn\u011b to byly 3 schody a na ka\u017ed\u00e9m z nich mat\u010dina hlava ud\u011blala mal\u00e9 dut\u00e9 „bim<\/i>„. Bim, bim, bim.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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8. V kuchyni u\u017e se va\u0159il \u010daj. Adam ho slil, pak ztuhlou a v\u0161ude kapaj\u00edc\u00ed matku napasoval do \u017eidle, a sedl si naproti n\u00ed. Matka v\u017edycky sout\u011b\u017e za\u010d\u00ednala, Adam si tedy p\u0159ipravil jej\u00ed prvn\u00ed v\u011btu. P\u0159ipadalo mu jasn\u00e9, \u017ee mu jako prvn\u00ed vy\u010dte ta pond\u011bln\u00ed j\u00e1tra. T\u00edm za\u010dal. S\u00e1m pak kontroval, \u017ee matka nezaklepala p\u0159i vstupu do pokoje. Na co\u017e matka p\u0159idala, \u017ee Adam\u016fv penis je sm\u011b\u0161n\u011b mal\u00fd, a \u017ee kdy\u017e si ho p\u0159edstav\u00ed s n\u011bjakou \u017eenou, p\u0159ijde mu, \u017ee zahanbuje celou rodinu. Z t\u00e9to v\u00fd\u010ditky m\u011bl Adam obzvl\u00e1\u0161tn\u00ed radost, proto\u017ee mu p\u0159i\u0161lo, \u017ee hraje tvrd\u011b stejn\u011b jako by hr\u00e1la sama matka, a nikdo by mu tedy nemohl vy\u010d\u00edst, \u017ee nen\u00ed f\u00e9r. Takto pokra\u010doval je\u0161t\u011b asi hodinu.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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9. Kdy\u017e byly skoro dv\u011b, a sk\u00f3re \u010d\u00edtalo 78:77, Adam p\u0159idal: „neumyla jsi mi an\u00e1ln\u00ed kru\u017e\u00edtko, a mne se kv\u016fli tomu zan\u00edtila z\u00e1da!“\u00a0<\/i>Na co\u017e Adam p\u0159edpokl\u00e1dal, \u017ee by matka kontrovala t\u00edm, \u017ee j\u00ed zmu\u010dil vag\u00ednu p\u0159i porodu. Dnes byl ale p\u0159ipraven a hrdinn\u011b se dokonce nad mat\u010dino ztuhl\u00e9 t\u011blo vzty\u010dil a zahul\u00e1kal: „A ty, ty jsi mi nenechala ani dopis na rozlou\u010denou, ty svin\u011b!<\/i>„. Adam si p\u0159edstavil, \u017ee kdyby matka byla na\u017eivu, tak by jen zalapala po dechu a u\u017e se na nic nezmohla. Ale zase kdyby byla na\u017eivu, tak by Adam tohle nemohl \u0159\u00edct a t\u00edmp\u00e1dem by pak n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edm „A nechala jsi m\u011b tady samotn\u00fdho, ty hydro!<\/i>“ hru nevyhr\u00e1l. Tak\u017ee se rad\u0161i my\u0161lenkama rychle vr\u00e1til do p\u0159\u00edtomnosti.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

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10. Bylo na \u010dase oslavovat. Kdyby m\u011bl Adam tak o 30 kilo m\u00e9n\u011b, tak by si te\u010f zatan\u010dil. Takhle se jen o trochu rychleji ne\u017e norm\u00e1ln\u011b dopot\u00e1cel do kuchyn\u011b, kde si cht\u011bl zap\u00e1lit znova pod konvic\u00ed a ud\u011blat dal\u0161\u00ed v\u00e1rku \u010daje, aby zapil hrst slan\u00fdch bonb\u00f3n\u016f, kter\u00e9 v z\u00e1palu radosti z v\u00fdhry p\u0159ed 10 vte\u0159inama omylem spolkl. Adam mechanicky oto\u010dil \u010dudl\u00edk na troub\u011b a kdy\u017e se skl\u00e1n\u011bl pro zapalova\u010d, v\u0161iml si, \u017ee m\u00e1 na bot\u011b p\u0159ilepen\u00fdch n\u011bkolik sn\u00edtek rozmar\u00fdnu, kter\u00e9 dohromady d\u00e1vaj\u00ed p\u00edsmeno A. P\u0159i\u0161lo mu to a\u017e magicky p\u0159\u00edhodn\u00e9. Adam se na vte\u0159inu zasnil, kdy\u017e si p\u0159edstavil, \u017ee by k v\u00fdh\u0159e dostal je\u0161t\u011b n\u011bjak\u00fd odznak. T\u0159eba ve tvaru p\u00edsmene A. Ta vte\u0159ina sta\u010dila na to, aby kdy\u017e pak kone\u010dn\u011b \u0161krtl nad plynov\u00fdm ho\u0159\u00e1kem mu plamen ol\u00edzl nejen ruce ale i ruk\u00e1v ko\u0161ile, kterou m\u011bl na sob\u011b. A kter\u00e1 byla nas\u00e1kla terpent\u00fdnovou sm\u011bs\u00ed. N\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edch 7 vte\u0159in se v\u0161e d\u011blo hrozn\u011b rychle. Adam si sice stihl servat z t\u011bla ko\u0161ili, a tou se sna\u017eil hasit ohe\u0148, rychle se \u0161\u00ed\u0159\u00edc\u00ed po stop\u011b terpent\u00fdnu sm\u011brem do koupelny, ale uklouzl na kapce palmov\u00e9ho oleje, uhodil se do hlavy a omdlel je\u0161t\u011b p\u0159edt\u00edm, ne\u017e m\u011bl \u0161anci sly\u0161et v\u00fdbuch plynov\u00e9ho kotle.<\/span><\/p>\n

\"matka\"<\/a><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Adam se tuto sobotu poprv\u00e9 v \u017eivot\u011b vzbudil s\u00e1m velmi brzy. Zrovna sv\u00edtalo.\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[13,7],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1884"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1885,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1884\/revisions\/1885"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1884"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1884"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1884"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}