{"id":2553,"date":"2020-04-10T20:30:57","date_gmt":"2020-04-10T19:30:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=2553"},"modified":"2020-04-10T20:52:17","modified_gmt":"2020-04-10T19:52:17","slug":"krutomyval-jak-korona-vyhnala-myvala-z-nory","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=2553","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: Jak Korona vyhnala M\u00fdvala z Nory"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Nu\u017ee nen\u00ed tomu ani\u2026he, dva a p\u016fl roku (?!) od posledn\u00edho p\u0159\u00edsp\u011bvku. Sakra to sem ale fl\u00e1ka\u010d. \u00a0Nicm\u00e9n\u011b m\u00e1m omluvu. Jak si n\u011bkte\u0159\u00ed z v\u00e1s jist\u011b pamatuj\u00ed, blog ilustroval „p\u0159erod pr\u00e1vn\u00edka ve slu\u0161nou osobu<\/em>„. Nejl\u00e9pe t\u00edm, \u017ee osoba p\u0159estane pr\u00e1vn\u00edkovat a za\u010dne d\u011blat n\u011bco smyslupln\u011bj\u0161\u00edho. Co\u017e se p\u0159ed p\u00e1r lety povedlo.<\/p>\n

2. Ne, zahradni\u010den\u00ed se zat\u00edm nev\u011bnuju, m\u00e1 budouc\u00ed hyacintov\u00e1 pole musej\u00ed je\u0161t\u011b chv\u00edli po\u010dkat. Ale u\u017e se n\u011bkolik rok\u016f v\u011bnuju prakticky v\u00fdhradn\u011b psan\u00ed, nat\u00e1\u010den\u00ed a podobn\u00e9 legraci. \u00a0N\u011bco se povedlo l\u00e9pe, n\u011bco h\u016f\u0159e, ale po\u0159\u00e1d postupuju kup\u0159edu.<\/p>\n

3. Postup kup\u0159edu mi nyn\u00ed zarazila a\u017e nov\u00e1 senzace zvan\u00e1 Korona. U\u017e m\u011bs\u00edc tak tr\u010d\u00edm doma, za okny m\u00e9ho New Yorsk\u00e9ho bytu, kde zat\u00edm je\u0161t\u011b nen\u00ed vid\u011bt ta zk\u00e1za a pohroma, kterou o New Yorku l\u00ed\u010d\u00ed v\u0161echna dostupn\u00e1 m\u00e9dia.<\/p>\n

4. Ano, v Central Parku byla postavena poln\u00ed nemocnice. Ano, m\u011bstem proj\u00ed\u017ed\u011bj\u00ed mobiln\u00ed m\u00e1rnice. Ano, v Bronxu pr\u00e1v\u011b bagr r\u00fdp\u00e1 nov\u00fd prostor pro masov\u00e9 hroby, ob\u0159\u00ed d\u00edru kam muklov\u00e9 z nedalek\u00e9 v\u011bznice po des\u00edtk\u00e1ch h\u00e1z\u00ed lepenkov\u011b vypadaj\u00edc\u00ed rakve s neust\u00e1le p\u0159ib\u00fdvaj\u00edc\u00edma mrtvolama. Ano, na Manhattanu p\u0159ist\u00e1la ob\u0159\u00ed zdravotnick\u00e1 lo\u010f, slou\u017e\u00edc\u00ed jako plovouc\u00ed nemocnice, proto\u017ee norm\u00e1ln\u00ed nemocnice u\u017e nest\u00edhaj\u00ed.<\/p>\n

5. Ale j\u00e1 zat\u00edm nejsem ani v poln\u00ed nemocnici, ani v poj\u00edzdn\u00e9 m\u00e1rnici, nato\u017e v masov\u00e9m hrob\u011b. Sed\u00edm doma, u\u017e p\u00e1t\u00fd t\u00fdden, a smutn\u011b kouk\u00e1m na to jak mi dol\u00e1rky miz\u00ed pod rukama, jeliko\u017e v\u0161echny doposavad nashrom\u00e1\u017ed\u011bn\u00e9 akcie ztratily na hodnot\u011b, v\u0161echny ji\u017e zafinancovan\u00e9 projekty, kter\u00e9 se m\u011bly v m\u00e9 re\u017eii nat\u00e1\u010det v b\u0159eznu, dubnu, \u010di kv\u011btnu, byly zru\u0161eny nebo odlo\u017eeny, a je tedy nyn\u00ed nutn\u00e9 \u017e\u00edt ze z\u00e1sob.<\/p>\n

6. Ale mohlo by b\u00fdt daleko h\u016f\u0159. T\u0159eba by mi mohla doj\u00edt z\u00e1soba je\u0161t\u011b neshl\u00e9dnut\u00fdch d\u011bl na Netflixu nebo Pornhubu. Nebo by mohla za\u010d\u00edt rasov\u00e1 v\u00e1lka, a jeliko\u017e m\u00e1m doma jen bejsbolku a ne st\u0159elnou zbra\u0148 jako v\u011bt\u0161ina soused\u016f, je jasn\u00e9, jak by to pro m\u011b dopadlo.<\/p>\n

7. Ale dokud se po ulic\u00edch nest\u0159\u00edl\u00ed (v\u00edc ne\u017e norm\u00e1ln\u011b, samoz\u0159ejm\u011b, tzn v\u00edc ne\u017e t\u0159eba jedna-dve vra\u017edy na m\u00e9m bloku m\u011bs\u00ed\u010dn\u011b), a pod bar\u00e1kem nechod\u00ed \u010dlov\u011bk s ob\u0159\u00edm pytlem na mrtvoly a nepo\u0159v\u00e1v\u00e1 „bring out your dead“<\/em> jako v Monthy Python and Holy Grail, p\u0159ijde mi, \u017ee se d\u00e1 p\u0159e\u017e\u00edvat docela v klidu.<\/p>\n

8. Zvl\u00e1\u0161t\u011bpak pokud je \u010dlov\u011bk rozen\u00fd skaut\u00edk a m\u00e1 z\u00e1lo\u017en\u00ed pl\u00e1n co bude d\u011blat a\u017e mu dojde toaletn\u00ed pap\u00edr, proviant, kter\u00fd se ukazuje b\u00fdt z n\u011bjak\u00e9h\u00e9 z\u00e1hadn\u00e9ho d\u016fvodu novodob\u00fdm zlatem. Jeliko\u017e u\u017e um\u0159ela, nem\u016f\u017eu si ut\u00edrat zadek ko\u010dkou, tak\u017ee a\u017e dojde toaletn\u00ed pap\u00edr a nebude-li k sehn\u00e1n\u00ed dal\u0161\u00ed, vytisknu t\u011bch n\u011bkolikset powerpointov\u00fdch prezentac\u00ed kter\u00e9 moje plodn\u00e1 kari\u00e9ra korpor\u00e1tn\u00edho pr\u00e1vn\u00edka m\u00e1 na sv\u011bdom\u00ed, vzpomenu si na to co za\u017eili moji rodi\u010de za komunismu, a je\u0161t\u011b s hrdinn\u00fdm pocitem si pak vyt\u0159u prdel heslem „synergize and think outside the box“.<\/p>\n

9. \u00a0Pokud m\u00e1te to \u0161t\u011bst\u00ed jako j\u00e1, a jste nad\u00e1le aspo\u0148 p\u0159im\u011b\u0159en\u011b zdrav\u00ed a m\u00e1te co j\u00edst a na co se d\u00edvat, gratuluju. Pokud ne, p\u0159eju up\u0159\u00edmnou soustrast a nab\u00edz\u00edm (zcela zdarma) konzultace o nejm\u00e9n\u011b bolestiv\u00e9m zp\u016fsobu jak se civilizovan\u011b zprovodit ze sv\u011bta. M\u00e1m v tomto ohledu za sebou hodne re\u0161er\u0161\u00ed. D\u016fl\u011b\u017eit\u00e9 je hlavn\u011b neb\u00fdt sobec, nechat po sob\u011b vzkaz na rozlou\u010denou a \u00fahledne p\u0159ipravenou krabi\u010dku s kl\u00ed\u010dema od schr\u00e1nky ve \u0161v\u00fdcarsk\u00e9 bance \u010di toho Porsche kter\u00e9 dosud pou\u017e\u00edvala va\u0161e milenka. Ale hlavn\u011b: neud\u011blat bordel! Nikomu, a\u0165 v\u00e1s miluje nebo nen\u00e1vid\u00ed sebev\u00edc se nechce ut\u00edrat v\u00e1\u0161 mozek z koberce nebo dost\u00e1vat va\u0161i krev ze sp\u00e1r mezi dla\u017edi\u010dkama.<\/p>\n

10. Tak\u017ee, dokud nebudu m\u00edt povolen\u00ed chodit ven, a z\u00e1rove\u0148 nebudu m\u00edt \u017e\u00e1dn\u00e9 p\u0159\u00edjmy, nebo\u0165 pr\u00e1vni\u010din\u011b u\u017e se nev\u011bnuju a za nat\u00e1\u010den\u00ed d\u011bl o jednom herci, nav\u00edc telefonem, doma v karant\u00e9n\u011b,\u00a0mi asi nikdo nezaplat\u00ed, \u0010vytahuji Krutom\u00fdvala zp\u011bt na sv\u011btlo bo\u017e\u00ed. A n\u011bjak se s t\u00edm poperem spole\u010dn\u011b.<\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Nu\u017ee nen\u00ed tomu ani\u2026he, dva a p\u016fl roku (?!) od posledn\u00edho p\u0159\u00edsp\u011bvku. Sakra to sem ale fl\u00e1ka\u010d. \u00a0Nicm\u00e9n\u011b m\u00e1m omluvu. Jak si n\u011bkte\u0159\u00ed z v\u00e1s jist\u011b pamatuj\u00ed, blog ilustroval „p\u0159erod pr\u00e1vn\u00edka ve slu\u0161nou osobu„. Nejl\u00e9pe t\u00edm, \u017ee osoba p\u0159estane pr\u00e1vn\u00edkovat a za\u010dne d\u011blat n\u011bco smyslupln\u011bj\u0161\u00edho. Co\u017e se p\u0159ed p\u00e1r lety povedlo. 2. Ne, zahradni\u010den\u00ed … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: Jak Korona vyhnala M\u00fdvala z Nory<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[5,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2553"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2556,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2553\/revisions\/2556"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2553"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2553"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2553"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}