{"id":308,"date":"2013-12-14T06:49:15","date_gmt":"2013-12-14T05:49:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=308"},"modified":"2013-12-14T07:31:06","modified_gmt":"2013-12-14T06:31:06","slug":"krutomyval-profesionalne-deformovany-stravnik","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=308","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: profesion\u00e1ln\u011b deformovan\u00fd str\u00e1vn\u00edk"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Onehd\u00e1 mi bylo k\u00fdmsi vy\u010dteno, \u00a0\u017ee nev\u00edm jak si \u017eije „norm\u00e1ln\u00ed li<\/em>d“. A \u017ee bych to m\u011bl poznat.\u00a0Jako bych byl \u0148\u00e1kej \u00a0k\u0159\u00ed\u017eenec mezi Mari\u00ed Antoinettou a Jind\u0159ichem 4t\u00fdm \u010di co.\u00a0Soulo\u017ekyn\u011b, co mi tuhle nehor\u00e1znost vykl\u00e1dala, to podb\u00edjela argumentem, \u017ee m\u011b e\u0161t\u011b nikdy nevid\u011bla j\u00edst nic, co by v souhrnu st\u00e1lo m\u00e9n\u011b ne\u017e litr na osobu. Ano, pr\u00e1v\u011b n\u00e1m v restauraci AvantGarde p\u0159inesli \u00fa\u010det na 2380 za ob\u011bd pro dva lidi, ale m\u016f\u017eu j\u00e1 za to, \u017ee ona m\u00e1 tak r\u00e1da Prosecco? \u00a0M\u016fj \u00a0melocodan\u011bk st\u00e1l jen 790 a to v\u010detn\u011b Coly pros\u00edm (ano, znovu se pokou\u0161\u00edm nep\u00edt, neptejte se pro\u010d)!<\/em><\/p>\n

2. Nep\u0159estala s t\u011bma kecama ani p\u0159i a po sexu, co\u017e bylo obzvl\u00e1\u0161t\u011b otravn\u00e9. Cht\u011bl sem navrhnout, \u017ee teda v r\u00e1mci toho, poznat, jak \u017eije lid, p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b ve\u010de\u0159i p\u0159esko\u010d\u00edme a osoulo\u017e\u00edm j\u00ed ve st\u0159edu po Ordinaci v n\u011bjak\u00e9m panel\u00e1kov\u00e9m j\u00e1dru, pot\u00e9 co se t\u00fdden \u00a0nebudu m\u00fdt ani holit a navrch\u00a0\u00a0si d\u00e1m t\u0159i Plzn\u011b\u00a0. Ale to se j\u00ed nel\u00edbilo. Mysl\u00edm, toti\u017e, \u017ee po Ordinaci m\u00e1 \u00a0v telce e\u0161t\u011b n\u011bco jin\u00e9ho, co j\u00ed zaj\u00edm\u00e1.<\/p>\n

3. \u00a0Ud\u011blal sem tu chybu, \u017ee sem se dot\u00e1zal, jak si teda p\u0159edstavuje, \u017ee se sezn\u00e1m\u00edm s t\u00edm „\u017eivotem norm\u00e1ln\u00edch lid\u00ed<\/em>„. Za\u010dala, \u017ee prej dobrej prvn\u00ed krok by bylo p\u0159estat se nechat v\u0161ude vozit autem s \u0159idi\u010dem a za\u010d\u00edt pou\u017e\u00edvat MHD. Tam sem j\u00ed musel zastavit. To sem n\u00e1hodou tuhle z nouze zkou\u0161el, ale po\u010det \u00a0smradlav\u00fdch houmles\u00e1k\u016f v tramvaj\u00ed byl o jednoho v\u011bt\u0161\u00ed, ne\u017e sem ochoten ve sv\u00e9m okol\u00ed tolerovat, tak\u017ee jak chyt\u0159e \u0159\u00edk\u00e1 E.A. Poe „Never More<\/em>„.<\/p>\n

4. Ud\u011blala xicht a \u017ee teda a\u0165 spolu p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b deme do „lidov\u00e9 j\u00eddelny<\/em>„. Trochu sem se o\u0161\u00edval, a za\u010dal j\u00ed podez\u0159\u00edvat z toho, \u017ee je p\u0159\u00edbuzn\u00e1 \u00a0Paroubka \u010di \u00a0Jure\u010dky, ale pak m\u011b uklidnilo, \u017ee Paroubek si na n\u00e1podobu lidov\u00e9ho \u017eivotn\u00edho stylu jen hraje, a Jure\u010dka se te\u010f star\u00e1 prim\u00e1rn\u011b o pl\u00ednky, tak\u017ee snad m\u016f\u017eu b\u00fdt v klidu.\u00a0\u0158ek sem \u017ee ok, p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u00ed ob\u011bd bude ve v\u00fdva\u0159ovn\u011b dle jej\u00edho v\u00fdb\u011bru.<\/p>\n

5. \u00a0A taky \u017eejo. Na n\u00e1sleduj\u00edc\u00edm rande mi to p\u0159ipomn\u011bla (j\u00e1 u\u017e na to samoz\u0159ejm\u011b za ty dva t\u00fddny zapomn\u011bl, jako ka\u017edej norm\u00e1ln\u00ed chlap)<\/em> a \u017ee se de do m\u00edstn\u00ed j\u00eddelny. To m\u011b trochu vyd\u011bsilo a moji obavu zhmotnila pak fronta, co se z j\u00eddelny (n\u011bkde na T\u011b\u0161nov\u011b)<\/em> t\u00e1hla a\u017e na chodn\u00edk p\u0159ed n\u00ed a pak t\u00e9m\u011b\u0159 za roh! Ot\u00e1zal sem se, j\u00ed jak moc m\u011b nen\u00e1vid\u00ed a jestli m\u00e1 pocit, \u017ee si sv\u00e9 j\u00eddlo mus\u00edm zaslou\u017eit, tak \u017ee si p\u0159\u00ed\u0161t\u011b toho da\u0148ka klidn\u011b pudu n\u011bkam do obory vlastn\u00edma rukama u\u0161krtit. Akor\u00e1t nev\u00edm \u00a0jestli se j\u00ed chce \u010dekat, ne\u017e dozraje v\u00edno na to jej\u00ed Prosecco.<\/p>\n

6. Pravila a\u0165 se ned\u011bs\u00edm a za\u0159ad\u00edm do fronty. (Takov\u00e9hle komandov\u00e1n\u00ed od p\u0159\u00edslu\u0161nice nejslab\u0161\u00edho pohlav\u00ed nem\u00e1m r\u00e1d, ale budi\u017e)<\/em>.\u00a0Ml\u010dky, ov\u0161em s v\u00fdrazem hovo\u0159\u00edc\u00edm za v\u0161e, sem to ud\u011blal. Jeliko\u017e nebyl v\u00edkend a nem\u011bl sem tedy na sob\u011b svoje hipster hadry, musel sem v t\u00e9 front\u011b vypadat jako podez\u0159el\u00fd podomn\u00ed obchodn\u00ed cestuj\u00edc\u00ed od Hugo Bosse, ale co\u017e.<\/p>\n

7. Fronta nakonec docela svi\u017en\u011b ub\u00edhala, vysv\u011btlen\u00ed \u010deho\u017e sem pochopil uvnit\u0159, proto\u017ee tlak na to „vz\u00edt si t\u00e1c, p\u0159\u00edbor a b\u011bhem toho si na zdi p\u0159e\u010d\u00edst co maj a vybrat a objednat co chcete tak, abyste toho neobossovan\u00e9ho hada za v\u00e1mi ani vte\u0159inu nezdr\u017eovali“,<\/em> byl skute\u010dn\u011b velk\u00fd.<\/p>\n

8. Vybral sem si vzpom\u00ednku na d\u011btstv\u00ed. \u0160kub\u00e1nky s m\u00e1kem. Za 38 korun m\u011b m\u00e1lem rozplakaly. Na\u0161li sme si m\u00edsto u stolu (p\u0159ekvapiv\u00e9)<\/em> a nah\u00e1zeli to rytmem zdej\u0161\u00edch stravovac\u00edch zlozvyk\u016f do sebe. Nutno \u0159\u00edct, \u017ee j\u00eddlo bylo dobr\u00e9. A ob\u011bd za 38 korun (plus nepiteln\u00e1 grepov\u00e1 limon\u00e1da za 4)<\/em> nakonec asi m\u00e1 n\u011bco do sebe.<\/p>\n

9. Co m\u011b ale na cel\u00e9 t\u00e9 provozovn\u011b nejv\u00edc fascinovalo, byl n\u00e1pis u vchodu. Na tom se \u00a0psalo: „Neodn\u00e1\u0161ejte n\u00e1m pros\u00edm n\u00e1dob\u00ed, p\u0159\u00edbory ani sl\u00e1nky z j\u00eddelny.“ <\/em>A pod t\u00edm bylo ru\u010dn\u011b dodate\u010dn\u011b dops\u00e1no: „Ani pep\u0159enky!<\/span>“ <\/em>Celou dobu b\u011bhem j\u00eddla sem pak nemohl myslet na nic jin\u00e9ho, ne\u017e na to, jak obsluha \u010di majitel sna\u017en\u011b lidi pros\u00ed, aby nekradli, a jak vtipn\u00e9 je, \u017ee po origin\u00e1ln\u00edm v\u00fd\u010dtu v\u011bc\u00ed, jejich\u017e neautorizovan\u00fd p\u0159esun vn\u011b provozovnu podnikatele je ne\u017e\u00e1douc\u00ed (n\u00e1dob\u00ed, p\u0159\u00edbory, sl\u00e1nky)<\/em> z\u0159ejm\u011b situace vy\u00fastila chvilkov\u011b v to, \u017ee mizely pouze pep\u0159enky a bylo tedy nutn\u00e9 je dodat na seznam. \u010c\u00edm\u017e \u00a0bych v\u00fd\u010det tedy r\u00e1d \u00a0pova\u017eoval za taxativn\u00ed. \u00a0A hned sem si, \u010dist\u011b z profesion\u00e1ln\u00ed deformace a z\u0159ejm\u011b i d\u00edky p\u0159em\u00edry styku s krimin\u00e1ln\u00edkama, zap\u0159em\u00fd\u0161lel o tom, \u017ee si z j\u00eddelny odnesu \u017eidli, na kter\u00e9 sed\u00edm.<\/p>\n

10. Ale ouha, to ne\u0161lo, proto\u017ee tamn\u00ed syst\u00e9m svi\u017en\u00e9ho m\u011bn\u011bn\u00ed se u stol\u016f je takov\u00fd, \u017ee sotva vstanete, va\u0161\u00ed \u017eidli u\u017e fyzicky a nav\u00edc velmi nadr\u017een\u011b h\u0148\u00e1c\u00e1 n\u011bkdo jin\u00fd, aby t\u00edm dal najevo \u017ee „tady budu sed\u011bt j\u00e1, k\u0161\u00e1 k\u0161\u00e1 k\u0161\u00e1\u00e1!“<\/em> a \u00a0vyrvat mu j\u00ed z pa\u0159\u00e1t\u016f a poml\u00e1tit tam takov\u00e9ho \u010dlov\u011bka i s \u00a0jeho tlupou kump\u00e1n\u016f nat\u011b\u0161enejch na dr\u017ekovou za 17K\u010d, jen abych mohl ukr\u00e1st \u017eidli a ud\u011blat tam d\u011bsnou sc\u00e9nu, se mi fakt zrovinka necht\u011blo. Nav\u00edc sem m\u011bl b\u0159\u00ed\u0161ko pln\u00e9 tepl\u00fdch \u0161kub\u00e1nk\u016f, a d\u00edky tomu se mi cht\u011blo akor\u00e1t tak sp\u00e1t. Tak\u017ee dobrou. \u00a0A nekra\u010fte pep\u0159enky, vy bando l\u00edn\u00e1, zlod\u011bjsk\u00e1!<\/p>\n

\"napis\"<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Onehd\u00e1 mi bylo k\u00fdmsi vy\u010dteno, \u00a0\u017ee nev\u00edm jak si \u017eije „norm\u00e1ln\u00ed lid“. A \u017ee bych to m\u011bl poznat.\u00a0Jako bych byl \u0148\u00e1kej \u00a0k\u0159\u00ed\u017eenec mezi Mari\u00ed Antoinettou a Jind\u0159ichem 4t\u00fdm \u010di co.\u00a0Soulo\u017ekyn\u011b, co mi tuhle nehor\u00e1znost vykl\u00e1dala, to podb\u00edjela argumentem, \u017ee m\u011b e\u0161t\u011b nikdy nevid\u011bla j\u00edst nic, co by v souhrnu st\u00e1lo m\u00e9n\u011b ne\u017e litr na … Pokra\u010dov\u00e1n\u00ed textu Krutom\u00fdval: profesion\u00e1ln\u011b deformovan\u00fd str\u00e1vn\u00edk<\/span> →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[3],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=308"}],"version-history":[{"count":14,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":323,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/308\/revisions\/323"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=308"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=308"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=308"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}