{"id":788,"date":"2014-04-07T06:43:03","date_gmt":"2014-04-07T05:43:03","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=788"},"modified":"2014-04-07T06:48:03","modified_gmt":"2014-04-07T05:48:03","slug":"krutomyval-krvavy-penis-versus-drza-zena","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/?p=788","title":{"rendered":"Krutom\u00fdval: krvav\u00fd penis versus drz\u00e1 \u017eena"},"content":{"rendered":"

1. Moc \u010dasto se mi nest\u00e1v\u00e1, \u017ee by mi \u017eeny v n\u011b\u010dem odporovaly. Pomineme-li po\u010d\u00e1te\u010dn\u00ed r\u00e1doby-upejp\u00e1n\u00ed a podobn\u00e9 fale\u0161n\u00e9 tane\u010dky, „ne<\/em>“ prakticky z \u017eensk\u00fdch \u00fast nesly\u0161\u00edm. \u00a0Pro\u010d taky. Spr\u00e1vn\u00e1 \u017eena si toti\u017e konverza\u010dn\u011b vysta\u010d\u00ed s \u00fasm\u011bvem a souhlasn\u00fdm pokyvov\u00e1n\u00edm. V\u0161e nav\u00edc je zbyte\u010dn\u00e9, trapn\u00e9 a nav\u00fdsost obt\u011b\u017euj\u00edc\u00ed.<\/p>\n

2. \u00a0Dost m\u011b tedy p\u0159ekvapilo, kdy\u017e Zlatomu\u0161ka, kterou sem s sebou milostiv\u011b vzal na v\u00fdlet za um\u011bn\u00edm (nejprve sme jeli do Portlandu a pak do Seattlu, pod\u00edvat se co nab\u00edz\u00ed m\u00edstn\u00ed kulturn\u00ed sc\u00e9na),<\/em> se mi dnes odvd\u011b\u010dila t\u00edm, \u017ee na moje a\u0165 m\u011b laskav\u011b nech\u00e1 chv\u00edli bejt, zpupn\u011b \u0159ekla „ne<\/em>„. \u00a0A ani p\u0159es n\u011bkolikero opakov\u00e1n\u00ed m\u00e9 \u017e\u00e1dosti ze sv\u00e9ho drze pron\u00e1\u0161en\u00e9ho „ne“<\/em> necht\u011bla ustoupit.<\/p>\n

3. Stalo se to cel\u00e9 asi takhle: sme u\u017e tejden na tomhle par\u00e1dn\u00edm v\u00fdletu. Bu\u010f loz\u00edme po galeri\u00edch, nebo vodop\u00e1dech, p\u0159\u00edpadn\u011b v Seattlu okukujeme lososy a na r\u016fznejch vernis\u00e1\u017e\u00edch se m\u00edch\u00e1me mezi m\u00edstn\u00ed zhulen\u00fd hip\u00edky. A ve \u010dtvrtek sem na jedn\u00e9 v\u00fdstav\u011b v Portlandu kone\u010dn\u011b uk\u00e1zal na obraz, kter\u00fd mi padl nejv\u00edc do oka. A o p\u00e1r minut pozd\u011bji u\u017e sem se s n\u00edm vl\u00e1\u010del na hotel.<\/p>\n

4. \u00a0Obraz se jmenuje „bloody penis<\/em>„. Tedy krvav\u00fd penis. Jeho autor se u instalace dokonce s\u00e1m nal\u00e9zal a tak mi poskytl i vypr\u00e1v\u011bnku o tom, jak obraz vznikl. \u00a0Par\u00e1da. \u017deru jak obraz samotn\u00fd, i ten p\u0159\u00edb\u011bh. \u00a0Uk\u00e1j\u00edm se t\u00edm, \u017ee si obraz, kter\u00fd v ka\u017ed\u00e9m norm\u00e1ln\u00edm \u010dlov\u011bku vzbuzuje trochu hr\u016fzy p\u0159inesu zejtra s sebou v NYC do kancel\u00e1\u0159e, kde si ho pov\u011bs\u00edm natruc tomu, \u017ee v\u0161ichni ostatn\u00ed maj\u00ed v kancel\u00e1\u0159\u00edm maxim\u00e1ln\u011b tak plak\u00e1ty na t\u00e9ma jak b\u00e1je\u010dn\u00e9 je b\u00fdt t\u00fdmov\u00fd hr\u00e1\u010d a podobn\u00e9 zvratky.<\/p>\n

5. Jen\u017ee v\u0161ichni v\u00edme, \u017ee sem srab, tak\u017ee krvav\u00fd p\u00e9ro chl\u00e1pka co jakoby vypadl z texask\u00e9ho masakru motorovou pilou, bude viset u m\u011b v obejv\u00e1ku. Ale to je nakonec taky dobr\u00fd, ne?<\/p>\n

6. Probl\u00e9m je, \u017ee ta v\u011bc je \u0161\u00edlen\u011b ob\u0159\u00ed. M\u00e1 p\u0159es metr dvacet na \u0161\u00ed\u0159ku a v\u00edc jak metr pades\u00e1t na v\u00fd\u0161ku. Tak\u017ee do letadla s t\u00edm jen tak nastoupit bude mo\u017en\u00e1 trochu probl\u00e9m. \u0160el sem se dnes poradit do Fedexu jak to zabalit a jestli by mi to zp\u00e1tky na v\u00fdchodn\u00ed pob\u0159e\u017e\u00ed ra\u010di nep\u0159evezli sami. Ale nem\u011bli, \u0161mejdi, dostate\u010dn\u011b velk\u00fd krabice, \u00a0kdo by to \u010dekal.<\/p>\n

7. Tak sme se Zlatomu\u0161kou sed\u011bli odpoledn\u011b v aut\u011b p\u0159ed Fedexem a j\u00e1 sem p\u0159emej\u0161lel, jak nejl\u00e9pe krvav\u00fd penis dostat do New Yorku. A ide\u00e1ln\u011b bez \u00fahony. A Zlatomu\u0161ka m\u011bla pocit, \u017ee mus\u00ed b\u00fdt n\u011b\u010d\u00edm p\u0159\u00ednosn\u00e1, tak\u017ee trvala na tom, \u017ee mi bude v p\u0159emej\u0161len\u00ed a \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed pom\u00e1hat.<\/p>\n

8. Ale kdo to kdy sly\u0161el, aby \u017eensk\u00fd kvalitn\u011b p\u0159em\u00fd\u0161lely nebo snad pom\u00e1haly, nav\u00edc copak j\u00e1, p\u00e1n tvorstva, n\u011bjakou pomoc pot\u0159ebuju? Tak sem j\u00ed slu\u0161n\u011b po\u017e\u00e1dal, a\u0165 m\u011b nech\u00e1 bejt a de si po svejch, \u017ee si to vy\u0159e\u0161\u00edm s\u00e1m. A pak do\u0161lo na to drz\u00e9 „Ne<\/em>„. \u00a0Zopakoval sem sv\u00e9 p\u0159\u00e1n\u00ed et\u011b t\u0159ikr\u00e1t, ale ani jedna odpov\u011bd se neli\u0161ila od t\u00e9 prvn\u00ed.<\/p>\n

9. P\u0159izn\u00e1v\u00e1m, \u017ee m\u011b to trochu vykolejilo. Zatvrdil sem se tedy tak\u00e9 a zva\u017eoval, \u017ee j\u00ed prost\u011b n\u00e1sil\u00edm vy\u0161oupnu z auta. Ale tv\u00e1\u0159ila se d\u011bsn\u011b sve\u0159ep\u011b a opakovala, \u017ee „mi chce s t\u00edm pomoct“.<\/em> Nech\u00e1pal sem pro\u010d. Po p\u00e1r dotazech z n\u00ed vylezlo, \u017ee p\u0159ek\u00e1\u017eky p\u0159eci m\u00e1me \u0159e\u0161it „spolu<\/em>„.<\/p>\n

10. No zkr\u00e1t\u00edm to. Jen z\u00e1zrakem sem j\u00ed jednu nefl\u00e1knul. \u00a0Do\u0161lo mi toti\u017e, \u017ee n\u00e1s bere jako n\u011bjakou jednotku. A to se mi samoz\u0159ejm\u011b pranic nel\u00edb\u00ed. \u00a0Ale necht\u011bl sem se h\u00e1dat, tak sem jen ml\u010del a d\u00e1l si \u0159e\u0161il sv\u016fj pal\u010div\u011bj\u0161\u00ed probl\u00e9m. Ano, krvav\u00fd penis. B\u011bhem n\u011bkolika okam\u017eik\u016f sem na \u0159e\u0161en\u00ed p\u0159i\u0161el, v\u0161echno si o\u0161\u00e9foval, a obraz p\u0159ipravil k expedici. Tak\u017ee to bychom m\u011bli. Ale te\u010f m\u011b \u010dek\u00e1 daleko sv\u00edzelnej\u0161\u00ed h\u00e1danka, ne\u017e „jak p\u0159epravit monstrobraz teroristicky p\u016fsob\u00edc\u00edho um\u011bn\u00ed na t\u00e9ma krv\u00e1cej\u00edc\u00edch genit\u00e1li\u00ed“<\/em> letadlem. A to sice: jak vysv\u011btlit k\u0159ehk\u00e9 \u017een\u011b, co s n\u00ed ji\u017e nem\u00e1lo m\u011bs\u00edc\u016f posp\u00e1v\u00e1m a cestuji, \u017ee jedin\u00e9, co chci „\u0159e\u0161it spolu<\/em>“ je jej\u00ed \u00a0m\u011b zcela nepochopiteln\u00e1 a sm\u011b\u0161n\u00e1 nechu\u0165 k an\u00e1ln\u00edmu sexu? To teda fakt nev\u00edm. Ale aspo\u0148 m\u00e1m \u010dupr-dupr novej kus um\u011bn\u00ed do bytu, a to je moment\u00e1ln\u011b d\u016fle\u017eit\u011bj\u0161\u00ed.<\/p>\n

\"obraz\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

1. Moc \u010dasto se mi nest\u00e1v\u00e1, \u017ee by mi \u017eeny v n\u011b\u010dem odporovaly. Pomineme-li po\u010d\u00e1te\u010dn\u00ed r\u00e1doby-upejp\u00e1n\u00ed a podobn\u00e9 fale\u0161n\u00e9 tane\u010dky, „ne“ prakticky z \u017eensk\u00fdch \u00fast nesly\u0161\u00edm. \u00a0Pro\u010d taky. Spr\u00e1vn\u00e1 \u017eena si toti\u017e konverza\u010dn\u011b vysta\u010d\u00ed s \u00fasm\u011bvem a souhlasn\u00fdm pokyvov\u00e1n\u00edm. V\u0161e nav\u00edc je zbyte\u010dn\u00e9, trapn\u00e9 a nav\u00fdsost obt\u011b\u017euj\u00edc\u00ed.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_editorskit_title_hidden":false,"_editorskit_reading_time":0,"_editorskit_is_block_options_detached":false,"_editorskit_block_options_position":"{}"},"categories":[6,4],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/788"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=788"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/788\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":792,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/788\/revisions\/792"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=788"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=788"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.krutomyval.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=788"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}